I feel like when you come from a broken home holidays always seems to be the worse. I’ve worked on so much self healing, going to therapy and working on issues and my brother came home for the first time since he’s left home and he wanted me there as well. It is literally the first time I’ve been home since I’ve left which was years ago. It went alright at first but longer I stayed more they degraded me. I went from feeling self confident and happy back to square one. I also while I was there had flashbacks of things done to me including being accused and ridiculed for having stds so I wasn’t allowed to use there sliverware, plated etc and had to have my own set of dishes even though those accusations was false. I’m thankful to have seen my siblings but I don’t think I could ever go back it’s hard enough how I cope before my healing journey wasn’t the healthiest and I am back to drinking alot due to this. I thankfully have enough self control I would never drive in that condition but I don’t like the feeling if coming home every day and drink until I pass out and repeat when I get home. I’ve came to the conclusion no matter what I do in life, no matter how much I’ve achieved and far along I’ve came it’ll never be good enough for them… Thankfully one of my best friends he’s helping me get back on track to not want to drink, get back into sober living and being a good support system to me but it’s just hard… I feel so out of my skin right now and reeling with having to rehash these feelings all over again. I never knew I could be effected this much all over again… Previous years I’ve always been invited over to friends houses and it’s always been a good experience but it’s still that part of you that wishes you could have a normal life and normal family etc
True, but it is best to stay away & avoid a toxic situation even if family is involved. I think you made the right decision to stay away from your family.
I can relate to being treated differently by your family. My stepmom is Korean and she gets these weird ideas in her head which I think it may to do with her being from Korea. Yet It gets depressing when you speak up for yourself and they act like everything you say or do is wrong. Everything that is bad is either your fault or you’re personality is all wrong. It is pure bullshit. They’re blaming you because they can and they want to. You should’ve slam those dishes in their faces or over their heads imo. Lies are lies and when you believe them and refuse to believe the truth then you transform that lie into a delusion. And Delusion is a symptom of deceit, illusion and foolery.
My family are just similar to yours. I can’t be fully independent at the moment to get away from my family. When the opportunity comes. I’m running as far away as I can. I’ll be 100% independent then. (I mean I’m 90% independent now, but not a 100%.)
So don’t abuse yourself because of how your family mistreats you. You’re playing into that trap where you’ll start to believe that you deserve their mistreatment. It is a lie. You should accept the truth that you’re worth a whole lot more than what your family or even you think you do.
I hope the best for you.
I can totally relate to that. Holidays at my house consisted of mom dad and me. My sisters got kicked out when i was 7 so from then on i had to deal with witnessing the violence and the very cold unloving atmosphere in my house. I was very lonely as a child. Spent a lot of time outside alone trying to make the best of a bad situation. Hiding how i felt from my mom because i didn’t want her to worry about me, she had enough to deal with with him. Lately tho i have found myself taking walks through our house with all the decorations, smelling the cookies baking trying to remember the good but it makes me feel really sad. Then i get angry when i finally come to the realization that they are both gone and i never told them how i felt. i am just trying to make it through the day… tomorrow… one day at a time. Sometimes you just gotta keep moving forward even if it is at a snail’s pace i hope things will get better for you.