So, I’m continuing to have this crisis about dying one day. It’s a horrible feeling and it won’t stop eating at me every day. I continue to lose sleep over it, and I have to take sleep medicine in order to force my body to sleep due to my anxiety. All I can do when I go to bed is think about the fact that I will be old one day, and my time will be over. All I can think about is how I can’t control and stop time and how stressed I am.
I want to hug my mom and dad and tell them I love them and that I want them to always be around, but of course I wouldn’t do that because I don’t often show affection to my parents that way and of course saying something like that would raise concern.
This of course is more than likely fuled by my subconscious grief from the passing of my grandmother (the first death in the family I’ve been old enough to understand and be emotionally impacted by) and my recent detachment from the Christian Faith, which acted as a coushion for death (which also sprouted from the death of my grandmother).
How do I ask my parents to get grief counseling for me? I don’t want to raise their alarms and make them think that I’m in some super depressed state. I’m nervous to ask because I just recently came off my meds (with the doc’s approval), and I want to stay off them, but if I ask I fear they may want to put me back on them.
Thank you for your support.
Hi again Honestly, you don’t need a plan you just need to be honest with them. I would just tell them you are having a hard time processing your grief and it’s affecting your life in an unhealthy way. Tell them you need help with coping. My son is 30 and if he had come to me at your age and asked for help coping with something, I would have put him right into therapy.
I hope your parents listen
maybe you should raise some concern. Opening up, especially to parents can be scary, but most times they want to help us with whatever is going on inside us. They may not always understand, but I think going to them and giving them big hugs is also not a bad thing. Showing affection is comforting too, and releases happy brain chemicals as well.
Don’t let the anxieties and fears inside you become a barrier to showing how you feel. Let them know what’s going on. I hope they are receptive to it and you can all move forward as a family to tackle these issues. Best of luck!
My condolences for your recent loss. I can tell this has really affected you and is on your mind when you are at your lowest moments.
I think it’s time to take that tentative step and ask for counseling or therapy. Maybe the approach could be more as a “I’m struggling with some things and I want to work on getting better.” You mentioned doctor approval for going off prescription so perhaps if it’s more comfortable you could get a referral though them for a way to be introduced to a councilor.
For your parents you could be as frank as you wish to be. You can also just spend more time with them to show you care. If you find you have a easier time through acts of kindness or thoughtful gift that would be nice. Maybe write out your feelings in the reverse side of a card and send it in the mail. I’m sure they would cherish that note. I remember reading a book called ‘the 5 love languages’ at one point, I know there are multiple iterations but they go through similar concepts and really helped me learn to express myself better.
Hearts to hearts <3 Mish
hi friend! thank you for being here on the HS forum and sharing these raw, honest thoughts you’re facing. the concept of death and everything you described is something everyone grapples with at some point in their life, some more intensely than others. you are far from alone in this, and i, too, am having these thoughts lately about aging and how the ones we love won’t be with us longer than we’d like. even though it would raise concern, i have a strong feeling that you expressing that appreciation and affection to your parents wouldn’t be a bad thing. for your parents to know how much of an impact they have on you is a priceless gift, and lil’ reminders like that wouldn’t be turned away. i find myself doing that more often these days or else i fear i would regret it one day if i didn’t express what’s on my heart.
as for the grief counseling, if you give enough reason on why it would benefit you greatly in coming to terms with the passing of your grandmother and through aging, it will only set you up for success in the long-run. i understand completely though on how you may fear they’d worry about that request with your transition off meds. however, if you approach it calmly with enough honest reasoning, it’s not a harmful request in the slightest. i believe in you fully to ask for the help you need most right now. you got this, my friend, and you’ll be in my thoughts as you grieve the loss of your grandmother. love, twix
Hello again, HMM! It’s good to hear from you again but I’m sorry to hear you are still struggling with you fears of death. Please live your life. As you are discovering death is so much longer than our lives and thus it doesn’t deserve to take up a lot of our time and thoughts while living. Celebrate life, please.
I also rarely show affection to my parents. I only hug them when they initiate it but rarely I will be super sad or just need that human contact and I will go hug them or cuddle with them on the couch. They know it is rare but they just hug me back and ask if I’m okay if I seem down. Needing affection from your parents even if it is rare is nothing to be ashamed of. I hope your parents would recognise that what you are expressing is rare but they won’t jump to conclusions and will ask you about it. And it is always nice to hear someone say how much they mean to you. It’s never bad to tell someone you never want to lose them.
It can be very helpful to get grief counseling when having these thoughts after experiencing a death and I think it would really help you process your emotions and fears right now. Go to your parents and tell them that your grandmother’s death is still weighing on you really heavily and you think you need someone to talk to about it that is a third party. Your parents cannot choose to put you on medication. And if you do not want to be put back on it then that is your choice.
I hope you can open up to your parents about how much they mean to you and that you feel like you need some help. Good luck and I hope to read an update from you again soon
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