So yesterday I posted about the girl and a text and while I haven’t been able to ask her about it yet, it’s starting to haunt my dreams. While on a walk today, this van kept inching up as I was crossing so I stopped almost as if to dare them to move. I really just don’t care what happens to me anymore. Live or die I don’t see people needing me except when it’s convenient for them or when they need advice and the rest of the time I’m just nothing to them. I now go to concerts by myself, movies by myself, basically do everything on my own. I haven’t worked since September because of a partially torn meniscus and partially tore acl. I have surgery Wednesday but I used to just bury myself in work and out in 40-50 hour weeks in order to just escape everything. I kinda feel like I’ve hit bottom, but I also feel like theirs no way to go up from here.
Side note, I’m working on a time to talk to the girl about the text
Right now you feel lost. Right now you feel like no one care and no one will ever care. But there are people out there who care about you. Your advice and the help you give others probably means more to them than you know. But I know it can be hard when those same people aren’t there for you. I just want to let you know that I care about you. Even thought I only know you through this website, I truly truly want the best for you. Right now you can’t distract yourself with work, but maybe you can look at this time as a time for self growth? Instead of distracting yourself, maybe you can take time to learn and grow? But don’t give up. People come and go in life and right now people seem to have left. But I promise you people will enter your life someday and you will be so happy you fought through these bad times.
Hey so I held out hope that today would get better, and I’m sitting here on the verge of a mental breakdown. A few years ago I was in rehab and was told I must be a failure at life cause I couldn’t even kill myself via overdose right, then today my buddy that I wrote about was manipulative in saying I have no money and if I was a true friend I’d get him lunch, then one of my best friends said we’d meet for dinner cause she was in town and couldn’t meet tomorrow. She ghosted me and I haven’t heard anything since 9:30 this morning. Everyone I’ve ever dated has used me for sex or to get back at someone else. I appreciate your kind words but I just feel like I’ll never be good enough for anyone.