How do I love again?

I don’t know what to do.

Over two years have passed since the love of my life and I broke up. Yet everyday since I have been hurting and regretting what happened during the relationship and after. Never have I ever found someone so beautiful both in their soul and body. How do I come back from this? How do I love again? How do I find refuge.

There is someone dear to me who I have found feelings for currrently and they are truly amazing and wonderful, just like my ex in most ways. But the hangover and pain from 2 years ago still lives strong inside of me.

I don’t know what to do. I feel lost without my ex, but I feel so much for someone else too.

I haven’t told them this so that our friendship doesn’t end in case they don’t feel the same back, so I also feel like in limbo with my emotions.

I guess I feel as though I wouldn’t be able to fully love my friend because of all this. I wouldn’t want to lead them on at all. So I am left stuck hurting all alone.

I wish things were easier, I wish I could just feel at home again.

I miss feeling special.


Thanks for sharing this.

I totally understand your situation; I’ve been feeling a similar thing about my ex and the prospect of a new relationship. I’ve tried to spend my time post-breakup focusing on my relationship with God, which has certainly helped, but there’s still a lot of pain I’m sitting on that makes me really uncertain about dating again (i.e. that it’ll be unfair to the person I’m dating).

Some advice I’ve heard recently is that there’s never a moment when you’ll be completely done healing and growing and thus ready for the next thing. Everyone has their own baggage they’ll bring into a relationship and it’s impossible to ditch all yours before dating again. If the next person you date is really meant to be, the should understand the pain you have (and you should be understanding of theirs).

I myself have not acted on this advice yet, but it’s been at least encouraging to me. Hope it helps.


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Love is always the hardest to get over, because in every relationship the amount you loved during i equal to the amount of pain after. But love will happen, eventually, if you let it. From your words I think you have a problem with trusting someone again, and to trust is a decision only you can make. It is willing yourself to be open to someone, and ignoring the fearful streams inside, those voices in the back of your brain that say that you’re just going to get hurt again. Because if you don’t trust, love gets very difficult, and you don’t want to end up alone AND miserable…
So when you can, give someone your trust. Actually tell them you’ve been hurt before but you’re trusting them. And you don’t have to trust with all your heart all at once. Just take it in little steps. I trust you enough to pay for this drink in the hope you will do the same, and then move on to trusting someone with your wallet, the keys to your house, and then to your heart.

Martin / ThatOldDutchGuy

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I’m sorry you going through this. What I know, love is more than a feeling. It is also a choice. You choose to love someone. It takes time to heal. Just take it one day at a time. I hope you are having a great week. Thank you for sharing. God bless. Stay strong.

Hello friend, thanks for reaching out.

I completely understand the situation: I also feel stuck in a limbo in which I can’t fall in love with anyone. Maybe there is someone I like, but I can’t feel those special feelings again.

However, I believe that spending some time alone is beneficial. Sadly, to really see the benefits you have to get over it. It took me years to get out the situation, and even if I still can’t love again, at least I can enjoy my days. Focus on yourself and do whatever even if he’s not there for sharing, you’ll soon feel better.

Pioggia :sunflower:

Lemme start off by saying you are special. You worth is not defined by whether you are in a relationship or not. You are created so lovingly and amazingly. There is something truly beautiful inside you and each and every one of us. Take some time to pray and time for yourself. Friend, God is waiting to make you feel at home, sometimes people can’t always do that. But He can.
Take some time to breathe, everything will turn out ok. Sometimes it takes a while for us to move on and thats ok! Hold fast, in time, things will all be better.

Hey @ItsAvalxnche,

I’m so sorry to hear about you losing your significant other. Without knowing much background information, the best I can say is that, in this case, time really does heal wounds, albeit it might take a while (and much longer if you’re still in constant contact with them). In my experience, if you choose you remain in contact with your ex, the only (painful) way to move on is to watch them get into a relationship (and eventually marry) someone else. To avoid this, I would recommend trying to distance yourself from the other person to allow you for some space to heal, before the inevitable happens. By healing and learning to forgive, you will learn to find happiness in your ex’s happiness (i.e. you’re happy if they’re happy). In the meantime, keep your eyes peeled for someone else - someone who is even MORE compatible with you. Anyway, that’s just my two-cents. I hope it helps!


Hi! Wanted to send you all the support we received for you on our Instagram page:)