The number on a scale neither defines nor says anything about you. You don’t deserve being reduced to these digits. I know it’s so much easier said than done. I grew up in a weight, calories, and food rules obsessed household where commenting on people’s physical appearance (including mine) was daily business. I’ve experienced this insane suffering and being unhappy with my physical appearance, too.
Few months ago I managed to stop stepping on the scale every single day - that’s what I’ve learned was normal when growing up. Getting rid of that trigger was helpful to me. Maybe this would be something for you, too? I also try to avoid looking into a mirror, especially on bad body image days.
Give up that magic number on the scale you have in mind. What do you think will change once you reach it? Being happy? Happiness comes from within, not by limiting your value to the number on the scale.
I can only recommend unfollowing every single social media account that is triggering, that conveys an unrealistic body image, or talks anything about food rules, dieting, exercising, … (that list is long). Bodies come in different shapes and sizes. That’s totally normal and predominantly defined by genetics. Looking at a bell shaped distribution of people’s weights, we mostly see those on the lower end on social media and get a totally unrepresentative idea of what reality looks like. Look at the people you see IRL. That’s how real people look like.
Maybe it’s worth checking your eating patterns. Has it developed to a coping mechanism for negative emotions, boredom, etc.? Do you have many food rules? Are there labels, things that are not allowed? I don’t know if that’s an issue for you, but binges comes from restricting food, even if you still eat it and the restriction is only in your head.
Diets don’t work. That’s why the diet industry is making billions of dollars and it LOVES telling us we are not okay the way we are (whether it’s diets, beauty, fitness products, etc.). Diets are more likely to result in an eating disorder than in a permanent weight loss.
Maybe some of this is of any help.
You are loved and you matter. The shape and size of your body and the number on the scale do not define you. Not even a teeny tiny bit.