How do I stop feeling so numb?

I was brought up in a broken dysfunctional family. My mother suffered a lot of trauma when she was growing up and because of that, she broke away from the family unit because she couldn’t do it anymore. Well, when I was growing up there was a constant comparison of trauma and nothing that I struggled with mattered because to her my childhood wasn’t her childhood after all. So there was always this idea enforced on me that I haven’t suffered enough. After five years of being sexual violated by an outsider and my mother telling me it was my fault and I’m only upset because I haven’t suffered enough, I just stopped feeling. When I lost my home for almost 2 years in high school, I was completely numb. “This is fine” “Nothing’s wrong” When my father decided he didn’t want anything to do with me and he blocked me on Facebook and cut all ties, I shrugged. “This is fine” “Nothing’s wrong” I haven’t suffered enough after all. The problem is, it is getting in the way of building relationships, like friendships. I have a hard time relating to other people because I am numb to myself. How do I feel again?

Hi Shio!
First of all I find it very brave of you to open up to the community and share something that many would classify as taboo or private. It’s a sign of strength and it also may show other people that we are all not alone and may struggle with similar or different problems.

I do need to mention that I’ve never been in a situation like you. And I’m sorry that you have suffered. You do not deserve to suffer!
What I feel would be a familiar feeling though, personally, is the feeling of “numbness”. To me it literally felt like… nothing. Not like emptyness, sadness, anger, but like actually nothing.
the fact that you realise, as you say, " it is getting in the way of building relationships" is amazing. It shows you can see yourself froma different perspective. That’s a big step. And that step helps you reach out.

I cannot say what method or methods can help you feel again. I do believe every person is different and every person needs a different amount of time. What I mean by that is: whatever you try YOU will find it. You WILL feel again.
I was in a big depression years ago when I didn’t feel. Currently it’s feelings but different. But it was hard to lure out feelings. I started going to therapy or going to an animal shelter to help out. And it was small things where I tried to open myself and think, “how does this make me feel”. So not “if” but “how”.
And after a while I poked an “alright” out of myself. And bit by bit I felt more. It took a long time.

So as cheesy as it sounds. Try to find little joys in your daily life that are just “ok”. At Heartsupport we always tell each other that it’s ok not to be ok. But sometimes it’s alright to “just” be ok. You don’t have to feel BRILLIANT or SUPER HAPPY. :slight_smile: I hope that makes sense?
What are some things that bring you joy?

Again. I know you will feel again! Hold fast!

xo Lynx

Hey friend!
Thanks for reaching out! One thing that helps me when i feel numb is praying. I just ask God to help me feel again and not become numb. To allow me to feel. That really has helped me so much.
One thing that may help too is just allowing yourself to feel, if you feel like crying, cry. If you feel like laughing, laugh. If you’re mad, maybe hit up the gym and let your feelings out there (this has helped me too). Or room mosh.
And i’m so sorry that you have suffered so much. Know things will get better. The Light is waiting to breakthrough.
Praying for you!