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How Do I Talk, How Do I Die

I can’t talk. I don’t know how to say anything anymore. I cannot say a simple yes or no. I can’t accept help because I don’t know how to accept it. I forgot how to talk. This is why I can’t get anywhere. I can’t answer. I can’t even say I don’t know. I thought my problem was somewhere else. It’s just me. I am a problem. I don’t have the courage. I’m not brave. I’m afraid. I am afraid of stupid things. And I’m afraid of myself. So doesn’t that mean I am a stupid thing? I’m useless. What’s poisonous? What is something easy to get a hold of, a food, what part is fast acting? Poison. That’s all I want. I don’t care anymore. It feels like only 2 people care about me. And I’m not one of them. If I can’t care for myself, how could I care for another? I’m useless. There’s only one way out and I need help. Help me forward. To the place I want to go. That’s all I want. Help me to be the person I want to be.There’s only one thing I want to be. Dead.

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You are cared for so deeply. You are loved so much. You matter so unfathomably. You are so important. You are of so much value. You are worthy of being cared for You took a step here to talk to us, you can say things, you are strong. You gave us a simple yes. A YES to life. You can here to talk to us. You are brave, you have courage. You did a very smart and intelligent thing by talking to us and sharing your time with us and sharing your thoughts. I can name at least a dozen different names of people who care about you, plus there’s an additional 2 people who put a heart next to your post so thats at least 15 people I know that have announced to the world that they care about you, love you and think you matter. Life is worth living because you deserve to be cared for and loved because you are.

Have you talked to a counselor or therapist about how you are feeling? Have you journaled about your thoughts at all? I always am talking about journaling. I have spent a lot of time journaling in my life to get through these thoughts. I will write down what is going on in my life, but sometimes its as simple as I make a list. I will put down a list of what i felt I did right in a day and if I feel there is so much I did wrong, I wont even write it down. I will force myself to wait until I feel I did something right in the day. And you have something to write down that you did right today, and that’s waking up this morning and taking breath. Now you have a second, you are on here talking to us. You are spending your time talking to us.

You are worthy of life, you are worthy of love, you are worthy of caring, you are worthy of a fulfilling life.

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