It’s really hard not to feel like a monster when things like this bullshit gets put into the media. I sat here and just cried. How do you fight this? It’s already very hard to find a psychiatrist that will even see someone with BPD (and other cluster B personality disorders), because of the stigma that we can’t be helped. We are just abusive, toxic, manipulative, liars…
I’m sorry this had hurt you @Mystrose. When it comes down to mental health, stigmas can be really strong. One is called lazy or lacking of willpower because they have a depression. Another one is called manipulative while they have an attachment struggle. Another one will be called crazy because they see things that others don’t. And oh the good old “attention seeker” too, that seems to never push anyone to ask themselves why someone might need attention, and how profundly human these behaviors are.
Psychology is, like any other social science, constantly changing and evolving in terms of internal knowledge, which can surely create tensions at times. It’s part of challenges that will always be present in our societies. It’s unfortunate that the person who seemed to have shared this information in PsychToday was a doctor themselves, which shows how much knowledge is always subjected to debates, especially in places where it’s developped. I personally didn’t see the mention of pathological lyging as stigma per-say but a bunch of misinformation, because being a pathologic liar is not a shame - it’s also a real condition that is too often rejected/seen as negative while it has a reason to be there. BUT I get how this could hurt, especially in the context of BPD that suffers already from a certain amount of stigmas. “Deceitful” is also definitely a violent word to use for what it resonates with. It shouldn’t ever be used to describe a mental health condition.
I think fighting stigmas comes down to educating, practicing vulnerability/being open (if we want) about it with loved ones. Just doing what we can, at our own scale, and if we want to. Overall, normalizing things that seem taboo and scary for people who don’t understand what it’s about. Making connections with others too - people you would interact with may not have BPD, but they can surely relate/understand at least one aspect of it. Asserting your rights as well - if a psychiatrist refuses you to be their patient because you would be “untreatable”, then you can use your voice and even report them to an ethics committee. Stigmas are judgments that stem from ignorance and because we have a tendency to see things as “good” or “bad”. But thankfully knowledge can always be spread in many ways, from the people who become doctors themselves and will have debates in universities, to people who would share their experiences on their Twitter account for example.
BPD is part of you but it doesn’t define you. The people who genuinely love you will never see you as a pile of symptoms listed by a bunch of old men in a book that is supposed to be a reference to everyone yet eliminates every aspect of our own individuality. And people who respect you will always perceive symptoms as neutral - not negative or positive. The other ones, the people who judge or spread false informations, are the ones you’d whether have a long conversation with or set a boundary with. But none of what is said will ever make you too much or not enough something. You are loved for the beautiful human being that you are. You are loved because you are.
Thank you @Micro You’re words are very comforting.
This hurts. It was originally thought that BPD was untreatable cuz of poor treatment outcomes and the misconception that it is part of someone’s personality and can/t be changed. Now there are a lot of new therapies that are working or at least making a difference in our lives. Still, so many look at me like I’m a monster when they find out I have BPD… add schizoaffective disorder to that. That puts me on the schizophrenic spectrum and even more of a crazy person in their eyes. People look at me different and I hear their whispers of judgment behind my back. You can tell when someone is scared of you. Even my boyfriend is afraid of me, I’ve seen the terrified, confused look on his face. (my mind likes to show me that face to remind me that I am a monster all the time) I think people walk on egg shells around me to protect themselves, not cuz they are concerned about the torture I go thru when I am triggered. I know I’m being unfair because there are people (mostly here) that do truly care, I’m just really upset and pissed off right now. When things like this are pounded into your head, you start to believe it. It’s so damaging.
Behavior displayed by people diagnosed with BPD is often viewed and labeled as being manipulative or attention-seeking in nature. However, this is not the case. The behavior is often impulsive and a way for the person to try and meet their needs.
For behavior to be considered manipulative there needs to be an element of preplanning, this is not the case in BPD as behavior is often an impulse in response to intense emotion. For example, an individual may experience intense anxiety about being left alone and may respond by begging the person to stay or physically stopping the person from leaving.
I am very sorry that things like this get posted and hurt you and others that suffer from BPD. It truly is very harmful and disrespectful. You are not a monster Mystrose no matter what anyone says. I have seen you trying to help people here and also trying to improve yourself and your habbits. You are trying to better as hard as you can which is something you really cant say about anyone. I know treatment of BPD is complicated but it is doable. Nobody should treat somebody bad just because they suffer from mental illness. You would not treat a person with diabetes or a disabeled person bad so why treat mental illness differently.
I want you to know that I appretiate you and so many others here Mystrose. I am grateful that you have revealed yourself to us as Mystrose. You are a nice and a brave person. I want you to remember that because it is true. Thank you for being here with us.
Thank you very much @Ashwell
I’ve truly never had this level of acceptance and support, it’s overwhelming sometimes.
Still, so many look at me like I’m a monster when they find out I have BPD… add schizoaffective disorder to that. That puts me on the schizophrenic spectrum and even more of a crazy person in their eyes. People look at me different and I hear their whispers of judgment behind my back.
I’m sorry that you’ve been suffering from that kind of judgment, Myst. In my eyes, it’s a beautiful step to be honest about a diagnosis and how it is to experience something like this on a daily basis. It’s a beautiful invitation to the people around you to know you better, to see the world a little more through your own eyes, and as a result to be more able to support you as well. It’s sad that some people still fear that kind of experience as if it was the indication of some “craziness”. As if mental health was the matter of just a portion of our population and others wouldn’t be impacted by it… while mental health isn’t just about diagnosis, but also self-care, well-being, processing emotions…all these things that are part of everyone’s life experiences.
Ugh, there’s still a lot of work to do and progress to make, right?
At your own scale, you can always make sure to be surrounded by people who only help you grow and have at heart to understand without judging. But it’s tough, I get it. Sometimes it’s just this sudden comment that brings a lot of hurt and anger all at once. I can tell that there are things that definitely infuriates me too and are based on misconceptions of mental health struggles. Like toxic positivity. Or the incredible lack of understanding of what living with trauma is, and how much it’s not about pure willingness. Ugh, just mentioning it makes my heart beats faster, lol.
When things like this are pounded into your head, you start to believe it. It’s so damaging.
Do you still believe those things sometimes? Or is it more the reflection of some grief - time and energy you have lost in the past because of that kind of damaging comment?
Once again, you’re very loved right as you are. It still brings a smile to my face to finally be able to put a voice on your words! A blessing.
self harm trigger
I’ve been learning a lot about BPD and in my head I know that they aren’t. I try to tell myself they aren’t true… but, then I prove to myself that some of them are.
Last night, I had planned on making burgers for dinner. Things didn’t go the way I wanted it to and I ended up throwing the meat in the trash and had a melt down. I don’t remember what flew out of my mouth, but I’m sure it wasn’t pleasant.
On the outside this looks like a temper tantrum and pretty toxic right?
This is what happened in my head:
Me: shit this isn’t cooked the way I want and I need to get it on the plate quickly.
Male voice in my head: “You can’t do anything right, can you.” “you’re going to feed him this gross shit?” “you’re going to poison and kill him” “pick up that knife” “you don’t deserve to even be alive”
This voice is always very evil and the one that scares me the most. I started to panic and get flustered which made things worse because this voice was screaming too and was making me very confused and anxious. I felt the trigger heat building inside. I felt like I was going to go insane in that moment.
At the same time, I was having a hot flash (thank you menopause) and this made everything 100% more worse. I was also having sensory overload from hearing my cat playing with his toy, the sizzling of pan, the loud music playing on the TV.
Finally, I just said… “I’m done, I’m not cooking … I can’t do this!!!” Violently threw the meat in the sink and just sat on the floor crying and cussing and threatening to off myself and I just lost it.
My boyfriend was already right there and let me finish. He helped me up and just took me into his arms and told me it was ok, we could order dinner. He calmed me down and a few mins later I was fine.
So, on the outside yes I do most certainly look like a monster, but if people heard the chaotic confusion that goes on in my head in those moments, then they might not think so.
Thank you my friend and I was smiling the whole time too. Much love!
From this one story, we can all learn so much about the inner world we aren’t aware of. Even if we also have a nasty voice like this in our mind, it is hard to accept or even believe that others have this voice always there too! I can imagine how great a relief it is for others to realize that they’re not alone in hearing these voices, in having to fight to focus on reality and not the reality the voice wants you to believe.
I’m sorry you have to go through this so often, but I am glad that so much good can come from it too!
We can be very wrong in our perceptions of people and be so far off from what that person’s reality is.
Thank you @Sita having support from you and everyone here is making a difference.
Hey @Mystrose I’m proud of you. I painted this kitty to encourage you in the times when you feel like you’ve had enough. You’re loved.
@Danjo It’s absolutely beautiful and I can see my Ziggy. Thank you very much, you ROCK!!
That Pic is beautiful.Really pleased for you. a very very good day for you I think my friend and you deserve it. xxx
I found this and thought it would be good to put it here. You only have to have 5 of the 9 traits it’s listing to be diagnosed, I have all 9 (which is called pure BPD). You can have a few of the traits and not have borderline personality disorder. Everyone’s experience with BPD is different, but we all share the same core trait of the perceived or real fear of abandonment. This fuels our lives of destruction until we become aware and learn to think differently. I’m still working on it and it’s not easy.
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