To me personally, it comes with learning to be intentionally kind to myself. I don’t love myself, and there are many parts of me that I don’t accept either. Things I regret from the past, actions I wish I took, lies I believe about myself that are very present. But somehow, I don’t need to love myself in order to treat myself well and see that my well-being is important.
In cultivating a compassionate outlook over yourself, there is the possibility to learn to be present to yourself in ways you didn’t know before. It allows you to see who you are under a different light, to treat yourself as a friend would, to become an ally to yourself as well. So slowly but surely, your needs don’t seem to appear as burdens to carry, and more like areas that require your attention, just like any other human being.
Changes won’t occur in a day, of course, and for some of us it is the work of a lifetime. But every step on this path is worth it. Every small gesture to treat yourself with kindness is worth it. It adds up over time and makes you experience firsthand that being gentle with yourself, both through good and difficult times, actually serves you better than punishing yourself or dismissing your own needs. It takes time to accept it, to navigate the discomfort of it too. But in the long run, it can make a difference in the way you feel about yourself.
Side note, having someone by your side on this journey can also be absolutely invaluable. Could it be trusted friend or even a therapist, it’s nice to have the possibility to grow with someone witnessing your growth and supporting you along the way. It helps cultivate hope, especially during moments of doubt or when the lie you might believe about yourself would start to be too strong and too overwhelming. Just having the presence of someone seeing you as you really are, away from the narratives that are running through your mind, can make a world of difference too.
In any case, asking yourself those questions is already part of healing. You’re acknowledging the patterns and recognizing what you don’t want in your life anymore. How much you’d like for it to change. And in this awareness, there is such a strong force and power to use. It can serve you - to reach out, to take action in seeking support and resources for yourself, in changing the course of your own journey towards something more gentle, more healing - overall a direction that would truly serve you.