How i feel everyday im alive i dont have the balls

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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to a 45 by Shinedown
How I feel everyday I’m alive…I don’t have the balls to actually do it. I’m a complete fuck up and afraid I would fuck it up and end up a vegetable…but the day is getting closer quickly…How you describe this song is me exactly

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Hi, Thank you for your comment, I hear you! having that debate within yourself of what if? Those negative thoughts that have made you believe for so long that you cannot get anything right, so why would that go according to plan?

It is all scary but I have to disagree with you on one point, you mention not having the balls to do it (by the way, that is a good thing, I don’t want you to do it, the negative thoughts you have are just that, they are not based in fact) the truth is you are so much stronger than you realise, have you considered how big a persons balls have to be to keep going, to battle on and when it gets to a point that you feel the day is getting close write and share your thoughts on a forum because even though those thoughts are dragging you down, something is telling you that there is someone or some people that might be able to relate and even have your back, people that might have some understanding about some of your feelings even if they have come through very different circumstances. People that genuinely care about YOU.

Friend you truly deserve for your life and sense of purpose to improve and if you have not asked for help via friends, family or your doctor and you genuinely feel this way I would please encourage you to do so. Of course, joining the HS support wall and staying in touch is an option too if you would like to, you are welcome to post there anytime, there is always a place to dump the negative thoughts and hopefully pick up some positive ones.

Finally, there are also crisis lines if you feel you need that. I think you have been very brave to send that message and I hope that as time goes on with support from people who care things will begin to improve, remember you are not your mistake, mistakes are a way to learn, good heavens I have learnt so much in my life by getting things wrong and so has everyone else.

I truly have faith in you. Best of luck. Lisa. X

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Hello friend,

You’re not a fuck up at all! You’re strong. Not only did you take the time to watch our video, but you felt compelled to speak up and vocalize how you’re feeling, and that’s strength in of itself.

There’s definitely a lot to live for! It may be a lot harder to see because the state we can be in when we’re in that darkness can cloud our vision. It can take time to release that fog and be able to see clearly, but it can be done. As @Lisalovesfeathers said, there’s resources that can help you, whether they be through your doctor, our website, or resources in your area.

It’s a fight, but it’s a winnable fight.

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My heart is absolutely breaking with you. Seeing how deeply your heart and soul is hurting is such a raw and real emotion.
Im torn between this feeling of being happy that you shared this with someone. Anyone. With us. Because it’s a moment of unburdening for a moment to reach into the world and allow someone to reach a hand back and let you know you’re not alone and that you’ve been seen.

In my heart I do not believe you are a fuck up. In my heart I think you’ve been hurt and have been hurting. And maybe you’ve been holding onto that for a very very long time.

It gets to a point where the thoughts that your life must be worth less than feels true. It’s like if this is a consistent thing I’m experiencing, then it must be because I deserve it, because my life is less than.

But you hold a value that only you can bring to the world. And I do strongly believe that you have immense worth and value

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@@HeartSupport the problem is I hab3 carried guilt and shame since I was 15 and my dad died. My last words to him wasnt the best, and It just wont go away. It has turned into serious ptsd I have been treated multiple times at the VA. All they do is medicate you heavily. Im diagnoed with Borderline personality, major depressive order, and anti social. Im currently highly medicated, but just not doing anything for me. Taking 300 mg ssroquel, 45 mirtazapine, hydroxozine, trazadone, and gabapentin…but really isnt doing much for me. I was off my meds for 2 years and completely destroyed my life. No family, no friends…nobody
All I is isolate myself…lost my drivers license and basically doctor is 185 miles away anr cant go local because they wont treat me because Im that asshole that says 3xactly on my mind…no filter just out it comes.
I have turned into that old hateful asshole. Thank you for the 3 of you replying to me…didnt expect them at all

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