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Belongs to: Therapist gets Down With The Sickness by Disturbed (FIRST TIME REACTION)
How the fuck do I accept a pain and darkness caused by anxiety with no trigger that has been with me for 42 years (since puberty) with no let up. Unless you experience 42 years of constant headaches from the morning when I wake, all day and unable to sleep longer than 4 hours because of it along with total muscular pain then you cannot know what it is like. I have been treated with over 30 antidepressants all of which had horrible side effects. 10 years ago I was treated with opiates (Dihydrocodeine) for the pain. This not only got rid of the pain, but also calmed me, made me feel happier and normal, yet without long term studies the fact that I have to take more than my prescribed amount to feel normal and prevent withdrawal is frowned upon by the doctors yet they have kept prescribing them. I’m from the UK and the help is non existent. There’s more to this but I’m sure I’ve bored you enough. Love Heavy, thrash, black and death metal BTW.
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I’m 36, I have severe generalized anxiety, have panic attacks, and other forms of anxiety. My mental health issues have also been with me since I was a child. The first time I self harmed was in the third grade. It took a variety of life events, books, therapists, judges, rehabs, jails, for me to begin to find peace within myself. A peace that still is sometimes not there, but knowing that it exists is enough for me to want to keep fighting through the pain for when I can find it. A lot of my relief comes from peer support, and mindfullness/meditation. I’m not sure if the second part is for everyone, but I do believe that peer support is one of the most powerful tools to find relief. Especially if you are open and honest with the peers that are wiling to support you.
I’ve been on almost every mental health pharmaceutical you can imagine in the years I have been in mental health recovery, and I agree that it can be a frustrating and annoying process. To have to try drug after drug. In the end I found that the drugs were only tools, and that the real relief had to come from changes in myself and finding the right support to put around myself (professional & peer). The wrong support is only going to make a situation worse, and cant greatly deter a person from wanting to find the right support, but I encourage people to keep looking if they have not found it yet.
My physical pain is not the same as yours, but I am diagnosed with fibromyalgia and a long list of mental health issues. I know what it’s like to live with pain, but I can’t necessarily tell you what the answers are to find relief. I never liked how opiates made me feel, so I don’t use them. As I don’t have the first hand experience with your drug situation, I can’t say what is right or wrong, but I would think that a GOOD health professional would have some answers as to how pain should/shouldn’t be managed properly with opiates.
I never get bored reading peoples feelings, and I always encourage everyone to share more if they want/need. So feel free to share the more. I’ll read it, because even if I don’t know the right things to say, or have the answers. I do care. I hope that you can find some answers to your situation as it sounds like a painful cycle to be in. <3
Hey Friend 
Gosh, you’ve been dealing with so much pain and darkness for such a long time. I’m so sorry life hasn’t been fair to you.
When physical health is not great, this definitely impacts mental health more. Not to mention when you’ve been dealing with it for as long as you have. I’m sorry that you’ve tried numerous antidepressants but none have worked, but instead added to the pain and struggles. Opiates seemed great for short-term relief but it’s sad that there isn’t enough research and studies done on them for long term usage and dosage.
I can honestly agree with you, the UK healthcare system is not the greatest, and help is very rarely there when we need it most. So I do absolutely understand your frustration with this. It’s challenging when the support you need is few and far between as well as being difficult to find. I think overall with mental,health, there is a lack of funding, staff training and resources. It really is shocking, and I do feel your pain.
As a music enthusiast myself, although I am not into heavy, thrash, black, and death metal, it’s great to hear you’ve found solace and comfort in this genre’s of music. All of which resonate with intense emotions and feelings which does help to provide a different outlet for self-expression. Music is man’s best friend during tough times, and it’s a great tool for pain relief, grounding and understanding.
Your perseverance in moments of enduring pain, make up hope that otherwise may be lost in others. While I’m not a medical professional, exploring alternative therapies or seeking a second opinion from a specialist might be avenues worth considering. Additionally, connecting with support groups or mental health communities could provide a valuable space to share experiences and find understanding.
I hope you find the support and relief you deserve!