I don’t know what to do… I try my hardest with my dad…
He has put me through a lot and I still so badly want him to be a part of my life.
Growing up being emotionally abused after my non left him. Being called worthless, stupid, a waste of space and more. I took it. Sometimes fought back but I had to try and get through school and raise my brother…
He kicked me out right at 18. Said he would i be happier without me. I left didn’t talk to him for a few years. Tried again and it was going great but he found out that my mom got invited to my cousins ( His nieces) wedding since he didn’t go and he lost it…
I can’t even tell you all the horrid things he said. Why? Because I didn’t tell my mom she shouldn’t go??
The main thing from that night is he told me I didn’t deserve to be alive… I ended up in the hospital that night. Took me another few years to try to have him be a part of my life again since he’s getting older and I want to marry my boyfriend with my dad walking me down the aisle.
Things are good when we do talk but he only talks to me every month or so. Ignores my texts till he wants to do something with all the family… I’m exhausted and hurting and don’t know what to do…
Sorry if this is hard to understand. Trying to put 14 years of trauma into a post is hard…
Just writing this Im crying and I feel my heart breaking more for my dad to just love me like he loves my sister…
Do you want him as he is to be part of your life, or how you wish that he was? In other words, I suspect you wish that you had a loving father who would both accept you and love you as you are. Your dad is not that person. It sounds like he lacks maturity and emotional intelligence.
Actually, I’ll take it a step further and suggest that he might be mentally ill. At least if you think about it that way, it might be easier to forgive him.
Unless he becomes a very different person, I don’t think it would be a good idea for him to walk you down the aisle. There’s a good chance he’ll mess up your relationship with your boyfriend.
I think it’s very likely that your sister knows which buttons to push in order to get him to like her. If that’s the case, he really doesn’t know her, and any love that he feels is toward who he thinks she is rather than who she actually is.
You need to protect yourself against emotional violence, even if it means not communicating with your dad.
He tells me the only thing he regrets in life now is not being close with me. That our relationship is very strained… Though he only says these things after family events when he’s been drinking… I thought I did forgive him. Realize I need to let go of what he’s done if I want him in my life … Easier said than done…
My boyfriend knows my dad and everything he’s done.
I didn’t hide anything from him . He doesn’t like my dad but respects my love of him and want for him in my life.
My sister is … like my dad in many ways but one. She believes what I say while my dad tries to paint me as a chronic liar.
I suppose the question is, is he predictable enough that he will be on good behavior when it’s time to walk you down the aisle? Forgiveness helps you and perhaps both of you, but nothing about forgiveness demands that you make yourself vulnerable to his hurtful comments.
Hi Kendahl,
I’m sorry you’re hurting so much. In relationships its important to have boundaries. You can set boundaries with your father, you’re an adult now. He had no boundaries with you as a child, and has continued his abuse of you as an adult.
In a relationship with boundaries, you say I love you, but don’t call me when you’re drinking, I won’t speak with you while you’re drinking.
In my experience, this can end the relationship. Sadly, I have come to believe that ‘to abuse’ is why some people want a relationship.
I’d encourage you to follow the light… which means … work to build relationships that are positive, and nurturing for you. You’re putting a lot of energy into someone who will take all your love, and still call you names, that’s not going to be good for you, or your other relationships. It’s okay to be a force for good in our lives. Peace