Let me preface the post with saying: I’m pregnant and pregnancy hormones suck.
I’ve always been one to wear my heart on my sleeve, and to be honest I never felt like it was a bad thing. It’s what made me, who I am. It made me a good friend, a good wife etc.
But with that being said, a lot of people don’t understand things that upset me, and ask: why does that bother you/upset you so much? And the only answer I can give is… because it does. Often a follow up question is, why does x bother you so much if y doesn’t. And the only answer I can give is… because it does.
I’ve never been good about explaining my feelings, but I think it’s because of so many years I just bottled it up. To many it’s frustrating because they want to understand, but I can’t explain to someone to make them understand if I don’t understand it myself.
So what do I do? People often tell me I’m overreacting, which I absolutely hate when people say that. But I mean maybe they’re right. But to me my feelings are valid, and I have a right to feel the way I do. But how do I either explain those feelings to others? Tell people that I feel the way I do because I can? Or just not let “little things” that people would say I’m “overreacting” to bother me?
Appreciate any advice, and sorry if this doesn’t make sense.
You make perfect sense!
You’re right that you should be allowed to feel things without having to give an explanation and having to be made to feel bad about it.
Sometimes it’s hard to explain those kinds of things and in those times it’s important that people respect that and give you the space to feel that.
I sometimes just have this feeling of frustration and I don’t know why. It makes me heightened to things I find irritating and my partner used to try to pry it out of me like I was holding some big secret. We would argue be sure he couldn’t understand that I am just pissed because I AM!
We had to learn to communicate differently. He had to learn that not everything had to be explained and instead of asking “why?!” It was more helpful and helped me improve my feelings if he asked “what can I do to support you?”
And if I said “I’m not too sure right now, but I don’t want you to go away” or “I’m not sure right now, but can I please have space” then he would respect that.
He would also ask if I wanted to just sit with him quietly or if I wanted to talk about something else.
Doing that saved us fighting or arguing and me coming across as some aggressive prick (and I’m not implying you are at all! I just wanted to clarify).
I learned to make sure I told him as soon as I started feeling frustrated to give him space to decide if he also was wanting to have space. He could then decide “okay thanks for letting me know, is it okay if I come back in a bit?” Or he could use the previous conversation if he wanted to sit with me.
When people minimise our feelings just because we can’t explain them, it creates that growing doubt in our mind that our feelings are valid and sometimes even makes us start questioning ourselves. Are we allowed to feel this way? Am I really overreacting? What else am I overreacting about?
I hope that made sense and maybe was a little helpful. It turned into a long ramble I’m sorry!
first off, i am wishing you the best of luck with your pregnancy. your feelings are valid for anything that bothers you. if it bothers you, it bothers you - simple as that! i also understand how it’s hard to articulate why something bothers you but i hope they can respect it if you said, “it’s hard to articulate but it bothers me. please understand that.” all in all, your feelings are valid and should be given more grace to understand by others. i bet the people giving you a hard time would have a hard time as well explaining why certain things bother them. sending you so much strength and love as you navigate these obstacles while also developing a child on top of it all. you got this, monkey, hope your week ahead gets smoother!
Hey Friend, Congratulations on your pregnancy, I cannot imagine how the hormones affect a person (having not been there) but I would like to say that you are absolutely right that your feelings are completely valid and to be honest do not even need to be explained fully to anyone, we are all entitled to feel a certain way about anything and sometimes even we dont know why we feel that way so explaining it is virtually impossible. So the advice I would give you is you could try any or all of your suggestions, attempt to explain if you really can, tell people that it doesnt matter why, it just is what it is and if you can try not let the things bother you as much then that would be wonderful for you more than anyone else. Im hopeful that all will fall back into place after the baby comes and I wish you all the best. Much Love Lisa. x
Hi Monkey, Yes, pregnancy hormones do suck but luckily it’s temporary. One word I really hate is “overreacting”, especially when it’s directed towards me. I feel emotions very strongly and my reactions are usually greater than the average person. It’s not overreacting at all…our reactions are proportionate to the emotions we are experiencing at that moment and VERY valid. I’m sorry that people tell you that you are overreacting, its not a very nice thing to say and it’s upsetting to hear that from someone. You also don’t explain yourself either if you don’t want to. I know how hard that is to do, when you don’t even understand it yourself. Be well! ~Mystrose
Monkey, first off - pregnancy hormones are real and can be a great excuse when you want to use it. That said, I totally understand the frustration with people asking why you feel a certain way and the thought that you have to explain your feelings. Can I suggest that you really don’t need to explain your feelings? You are alllowed to feel how you feel and be bothered by what bothers you. No explanation is needed. You can always as gently or directly as needed say, I’m sorry but that just bothers me. I hope you are feeling well through your pregnancy and it’s good to hear from you. I wish you well.
Being pregnant definitely intensifies emotions on a grand scale. It’s hard to sometimes express your emotions in what people would deem “rational”, as well. I want to share some resources with you, for when you feel your heightened states of emotions-- so hopefully you can find some solstice and resolve in these hard times.
This is the “Anger Iceberg”. When we’re angry, a lot of the time, we find ourselves fueled by another emotion. This could help you understand some of your emotions. https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/anger-iceberg
This following image helps you to identify stress, along with the worksheet link after it:
I have some resources on things like stress management, conflict resolution, cognitive thinking, and even coping skills if any of those interest you as well.
I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling so heavily right now. I’m hoping that I can help a little bit. Please keep us updated, and take care hun.
All of this makes very much sense to me. But let me first say a few things:
You do not need to defend your feelings to others.
You do not need to justify your feelings.
You are not overreacting.
If you could change that so called “little things” bother you, you would have done that a long time ago. You should not force yourself or suppress your true nature.
Now, I don’t want to assume anything about you, but it might be possible that you are just a highly sensitive person. It is a completely normal healthy innate personality trait, not a diagnosis or illness. 15-20% of the world population are highly sensitive, it is also called Sensory-Processing Sensitivity.
It is not some pseudo science but has been very well researched by Dr. Elaine Aron for over 30 years. Sadly it is often misunderstood. Sensitivity in this case doesn’t mean to be easily offended, it is rather referring to the nervous system which processes thoughts, emotions and sensory input much deeper than usual. That’s why HSPs easily get overwhelmed by their environment, are said to be “too sensitive” or “overly emotional”.
Even if this is not the case for you, at least this information shows you that for a part of the population “overthinking”, “overreacting” and feeling “too much” is completely normal and nothing can or needs to be done about it. It’s just how their brains work.
I am really not sure if this helps you at all, but I hope so.
