Hurting my own feelings

[kennedy]

i know i haven’t wrote to you guys in a long time but now i am. yay i turned 17 in october :). made it through 2020 but 2021 didn’t start off great for me either… i thought my mom was going to change but i guess not , she still hates me but i guess its fine for me … i just wish i was enough , i lost alot people i called my friends and i lost two cousins this year , i dont think i will ever feel okay at all … plus i feel so stupid believing these lies this boy was telling me , calling me pretty , beautiful just to look dumb … his friend said im ugly and told him not to date me and he said he not going to date me … why lead me on for a whole year to just play in my face … i lost my virginity to him thinking he will like me even more and plus no matter how much i said no he didnt want to hear that so i just let him take my virginity. i hate myself so much for being so ugly, stupid and worthless… but i deserve it because i always end up looking dumb and hurting my own feelings lol… i just wish i met the beautiful standard for him … thanks for listening i guess …

edit: heres a pic of me …

[Grace]

First of all, you are sooooo beautiful. Anyone that says otherwise has deep issues that has nothing to do with you. It is very clear that you are a lovely and confident woman. I think it’s really easy for other people’s opinions affect us. My mom said I was not pretty and smart my whole life. After many years of fighting, I was able to set clear boundaries with what was not okay for her to say to me. Luckily, she finally got it. Praying for your relationship with your mom. Unfortunately we cannot change other people, but the only thing we can control is our perspective and how we view ourselves. You are beautiful! Period! Repeat this to yourself every morning because it is the truth. It seems like those other people that you mentioned just want to watch other people crash and burn. To me, that’s their issue. Maybe do some journaling and write down all the things you like about yourself. It can be about your physical appearance or something about your personality. Let me know how that goes!

[ktStark]

Thank you, first of all, for sharing with us. That’s a lot of pain from relationships and I can only imagine how hard it is to carry the weight of thinking it’s your fault. It’s not your fault. You don’t deserve to be treated poorly by your family, friends, or the boy you spoke of. It sounds like you are putting the blame on yourself for the ways that people have mistreated you and I want you to know that it is NOT your fault. Your mom mistreating you is because of something going on internally in your mom. If your friends are leaving you, that doesn’t mean you are anything less than. You are deserving of love, care, affection, and attention. You are important. You matter. Please don’t let other people’s actions or words make you believe otherwise. People can be cruel. The truth is that you are enough and you are worthy. I’m sorry to hear about how that boy used you and hurt you. Those actions are his burden to bear. You are so beautiful! I hope that you can see the beauty in yourself this week

[kennedy]

thank you so much for the kind words really … i wish i had people like you guys to feel safe , loved & happy thank you , you guys are just amazing and strong and i wish i was strong one day like yall

[kennedy]

thank you so much , i didn’t think i would recieve this amount of love … i wish i was this loved in real life but thank you again , you guys made my day & i really hope things change for me…

[Micro]

Hey @kennedy,

Thank you so much for being here. It sounds that you’ve been dealing with quite a lot of things at the same time, and I’m glad you know this place is safe to get things off your chest. There’s always a huge amount of love available for you right here.

I’m so sorry to hear about those difficult relationships, friend. For your mom, first, I know from a personal standpoint how hard it is to feel unloved by a parent. It’s part of their job to make us feel safe and loved unconditionally, but it doesn’t always work well. I don’t know the circumstances in your situation precisely, but I can assure you that you are loved, right here and right now, regardless of how your relationships are, regardless of what people said or did to you. You are enough and beautiful as you are. That love doesn’t have to be earned. You own it already for being you. And people who will learn to know and honor you will only feel a huge amount of gratitude for doing life with you. Just like we’re all glad that you are part of this community. <3

You were not stupid for believing this boy, and I’m so sorry you felt betrayed. You trusted him. You couldn’t guess what happened. It’s not your fault. In those situations we want to rewind time, we ask ourselves many “what if…?” questions, but it can be very tortuous to do so. The fault is not on you. You don’t have to meet any physical or emotional standard to be loved. He didn’t see you truly, and ultimately it’s his loss. You deserve someone who would love you unconditionally, friend. Someone who doesn’t care about your appearance, but who would love you for you.

I’m sending hugs your way. I hope you can find some peace in days to come. You are not worthless, @kennedy. You are a beautiful light in this world. Keep shining bright.