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I agree, fight against. I deal with a great deal of physical pain…and everyday is a struggle, whether it be just getting up, or having these thoughts. As a disabled veteran, I REFUSE to become a 22 statistic. But some days…shit sucks.
It sounds like you’ve been dealt a really tough hand between physical pain and troubling thoughts! I wonder what is going through your mind when it is that battle to get out of bed? When I have been under the weight of heaviness (depression/hopelessness) the battle getting out of been has been the pressing thought that nothing I do matters-- that any ripple won’t go anywhere and that nothing can change the endless torrent of evil in the world. Has it been like that for you? PTSD from the service has to come with so many images and thoughts that plague your mind and torment you. It sounds like a constant battle. The battle you fought in active duty stays with you. However, even in this battle, you have a courageous spirit. You REFUSE to become that statistic and you continue fighting to get up every day. You fight through the pain and the thoughts that attack you and your will to live. You keep fighting anyways and hold on to any strands of hope you can. That is brave and I commend you for it! You are incredibly strong and your presence in the world does matter. Please never give up the fight. Keep on pressing on! We are here for you here at HeartSupport! There are brighter days ahead.
Hey friend, thank you so much for sharing all of this here. Yes: some days shit sucks, full time. And it’s okay to say it. It’s okay to be thankful for the good days, but it’s also absolutely okay to express the pain you feel when you’re hitting a low day. Somehow, it’s in the balance of both that we might create our most beautiful sense of resilience. A subtle mix of both perseverance and vulnerability, for both are, in the end, part of the same piece - part of you and of what makes your personal journey whole.
I can only imagine how painful and frustrating some days must be for you, of fighting against the physical pain - if not physically, at least emotionally. It’s hard when your own body becomes a burden, if not a prison for your soul. You are reminded every day of your own physicality and all the things you wish you could do differently, which can feel so discouraging. It’s disheartening when you have to face over and over the limitations that your body would impose to you.
There is no doubt that you are doing your best in these circumstances, and I hope you do have support in your life as you navigate these challenges. If anything, we are here for you at Heartsupport. You’re not alone. 