I almost lost it today at my mom locked her self in her room for the last 3 days and the first words out of her mouth were her complaining that the dishes hadn’t been done yet which I haven’t gotten too cuz I was only up for 2 hours and hadn’t even fully started my day yet and then starts going off on me and it’s been non stop abuse ever since she retired she’s been miserable drinking her self into oblivion when she’s not busy doing something and using me as her fucking punching bag and I snapped at her and told her to go sit her miserable ass down in her room where she wants to be anyhow. I wanted to hit her so fucking bad I haven’t seen red like that in so long my hands were shaking so fucking bad she’s “sick of my shit” even tho I’ve done nothing but fucking help her since I moved back in she dosent wanna die along but she really is driving me away i was the one who helped her and looked after her when she fell and broke her leg and I was nothing to her then no thank you no nothing just yelled at when I didn’t fucking jump to her becking call I’m so fucking sick of this abuse yet my brother dosent get the worst of it yet I’m supposed to sit listen to him bitch about her when I’m the one around her all day and she equates my worth to my ability to make money and my obedience I wanna fucking scream yet have no mouth it feels like
Thank you for coming here to get some of that frustration out, I think it was very much needed. I can feel your exasperation and how its been building up and you could really do with a break even if its a couple of hours outside away from the house sitting in a park, is that an option for you? I am not saying that will make it all better but it feels like from what you have writtin that most of your time is spent in caring for mum and not anywhere near enough time caring for you.
Can I say that I am so pleased you did keep your temper yesterday, that sounds like it was so incredibly hard to do but you did it and that is awesome. I think to have someone who hasnt been out of their room for days suddenly come out and the first thing they do is yell at you for something is rough and not what you need to hear and it doesnt sound like your brother is much help, perhaps that is something you cand address with him when things are not so tense.
It is so hard when you feel like no matter what no one hears you and although we cannot change what happens at home, we can help with trying to understand and most importantly we can listen to you. You really are a very special person and loved in this community so I have drawn you a picture, I hope you like it. Much Love Lisa. xxx