Hello, I hope I am doing this right. This is my first post, but I need support badly.
I do not like admitting this - I am addicted to ghosting people I meet online. I am the terrible person who leaves you hanging even though you thought you had a real spark going. I do everything, deleting my accounts, deleting the app and never coming back, simply deleting their emails, marking them as spam. I know that this is a horrible thing to do, please do not tell me that the other person feels so much worse than I do. I know this. But I cannot stop.
The thing is that I am so close to doing this again. I have met a guy online and we have been chatting on an app. But now, I feel like this is getting too serious. He has been asking questions I do not want to answer, questions that come with a lot of baggage for me. He has asked me to voice chat later this weekend, as well. And now I am afraid of both possibilities when I answer the hard questions:
- He laughs at me, is repulsed or simply finds me ridiculous.
- He does not mind and our relationship grows closer.
Like I said, both outcomes terrify me, because I am scared of being ridiculed for having personal issues, but I am also scared of commitment. This is probably the core issue for me - commitment issues. Anyway, I feel my fingers itching to delete the app. I am in full fight or flight mode. My hands are sweaty. (Knees weak etc.)
I think I really like this guy though. How can I keep myself from burning yet another bridge? I know what you’re thinking, “Why is she going on dating apps if she’s a serial ghoster,” the thing is that every time I think that it will be different. I want it to be different this time, but I am so afraid. Please keep me from doing this again.