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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to People=Shit by Slipknot
I am fucking sick as it gets and have attempted to take the dirt nap 3 times now and it seems that I am no better at that than I am at living! Any ideas?
I think that we are all different, so answers are not always easy to find for this sort of thing. I have also attempted to take my own life(multiple times), and even had to be saved in the hospital, or I would have been successful. Though I can not say what the best options are for everyone. I can tell you that I have found another side to at all. A side that gives me a faint breath of actually seeing the reason to live. It came through a lot of work, and some life experiences that were pretty unique to my own life. I have had books, mental health professionals, and peer support from online communities to thank(outside from the jarring life events) for helping me begin to find this faint glow. I think that the main idea I would begin with, the one that started it all for me. Was sharing outwardly with peers, and professionals all the things I was going through. To no longer direct all of it inward, and to let it all out. Though it all started for me in a situation where I was forced to do so(an inpatient situation). I now do so willingly and in the hopes that I can help others hold on long enough to find their own feint glow. Even if it is just with us at HeartSupport at first. As I do believe that if we all hold on long enough, share what we are going through, and begin to work on bettering ourselves in the process. That we can all begin to find the things we need to continue. That does not mean that the intrusive thoughts end, or that death is not sometimes on my mind a lot. Depending on the day, season, or anything/everything I may/may not be going through, but I have tasted the other side, and seen that I can grow towards lessoning the amount of time spent in crisis. Sometimes holding on is the only thing I can do, but I now know that if I hold on long enough. I have the capability of improving(even if only ever so slightly) my situation and mental state for the better. The more time I gain free from it, the harder I am encouraged to hold on and work towards gaining more of that freedom. I hope that your day is going okay today, and that if you want/need to share more. That you know you can feel free to do so. <3
It may feel a little cheesy said that way, but asking for support and reaching out to people is an important step to take when you are struggling so much. You are in pain and you don’t deserve to be on your own while you are trying to get out of what feels like a rut. To me personally, ensuring that I stay connected to people has always been an important crutch to ride the wave of intense suicidal thoughts. Sometimes it was through using crisis hotlines, sometimes it was by openly reaching out to friends and letting them know that I was going through a hard time. Other times, because I would fear too much of being a burden to people I love, I would literally force myself to go out and stayin places where there are people - my favorite is going to a coffee shop, sometimes while listening to a podcast or journaling. Being in a place where there’s other people interacting and living, even if I wouldn’t interact with them, helps me feel like I am part of something bigger and to not feel stuck in my own mind. It helps to remind me that I am not alone, that my pain is valid, but that the conclusions I have from it may not be right.
There is hope my friend, and I am so grateful that you are here today. Please hold on to your strength and rely on others as much as you need. There is no shame in struggling or being in pain. It’s okay to reach out for help and do what is necessary to keep you safe. You matter so much. 