I am having a very difficult time

I am sorry to say everyone but recently I have had a really difficult time, I am trying to push through but it is really difficult, I have lost yet again more friends, however I have made new friends who are also into little space like me so that’s good I guess.

I have to admit tho that I have had a lot of relapses these past two weeks, I’ve had three suicide attempts, and have self harmed quite a lot, I self harmed this week’s Wednesday, Thursday (twice) and Friday, and last week on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Saturday, I am sorry.

I can’t get rid of my knife because I don’t wanna touch it, but if I do get rid of it I know that if I am going to self harm I am probably still just going to the kitchen and getting a knife from there instead.

I am also still in a large battle with my eating disorder, I am trying to eat but sometimes I just forget or don’t want too, and sometimes if I eat I start feeling sick.

I have not really been able to get into my little space (my safe space is little space) recently too, except yesterday evening when I was playing some WarThunder together with a little space friend from Australia :kangaroo: and we where also video calling and in little space, that also helped me distract from self harm urges and stuff :slight_smile:

I do wanna end this on a more lighter note so here enjoy a picture of my newest stuffie, Martin the frog with a suit (from martincitopants, the content creator) :slight_smile:

5 Likes

My heart aches for you~It sounds like a very difficult time.

Are you familiar with the book Rewrite? It’s here on the HS wall under workbooks through the menu options. The first half of the book in info, the second half workbook. It may be a help to you. Do you have care/supports in your life or are you battling sh and ed alone?

I like your picture. Thanks for sharing it. Looks like a good place to lay down for awhile and rest. :frog:

1 Like

Hey Alexis,

I’m sorry that you’re struggling with self harm. I self harmed for years and it’s been a long time since I’ve done it. It’s an addiction and very hard to stop, I know this from experience. I struggle with self harm thoughts and suicidal ideation every day and have had three attempts (two landing me in the hospital). I know how freaking hard it is, trust me

Something I just recently learned in therapy is called Urge Surfing. Fighting an urge can just make it worse and learning to urge surf can really help you. I use this every day and it’s really worked for me. I hope you take the time to really read this page, because it’s going to help you cope better with your urges. I promise.

2 Likes

I love the stuffy! How cute.

I’m sorry you are struggling. Losing friends is so hard, but I’m so glad you have made new connections! I think you did great by distracting yourself with playing a game with a friend. It sounds like you had a good time and I’m glad it kept the urges away!

As far as the ED goes, I found what helped me with mine was making a sticking to a meal plan. It’s very straightforward and factual, like here’s the list and we’re gonna eat what’s on it at the time we need to. There are lots of resources online for food exchanges to help build a meal plan that will give your body what it needs without counting calories or restricting food. I hope that helps a little!

Keep going! And please don’t be sorry for relapsing, it is so hard to fight those urges…but that’s the positive in all this, you are still here to make progress!

3 Likes

Hi Alexis,
Sounds like an incredibly challenging week.

Have you been talking to anyone irl about these attempts? Do you have someone you can talk to in person? EDs can benefit a lot from consulting a professional as well, to work on healthier meal plans and to target the thinking that goes on as well.

I’m glad you’re a part of our community here, and I hope you know how much we care about you and your wellbeing! Hope that you’re accessing the services you can to help support you! you’re loved! :hrtlegolove:

1 Like