I am 70 & have no intetest in life anymore. My family tends to live to 90 or 100. My life has been good by most standards. I have been depressed my whole life. 25 years on meds, 15 years twice weekly with top psychiatrist then stopped. I have been good at pretending towards others but I am tired of the mask. I raised two wonderful children who are well adjusted and have 2 grandchildren.
I have ‘been there…done that’ and do not want another 20 to 30 years. I love my family and do not want to hurt them. None of us are religious or believe in an afterlife. Of course they will be sad whether I die now or in 30 years. What I struggle with is their acceptance of my suicide. I want them to understand that I have had enough…more than enough. I hope for an incurable illness or a fatal accident. I try to think of a way to make suicide look like an accident. I try to think of a way to explain to them my wish to die so we can say our goodbyes and they can ask questions. I don’t want them to feel guilty that maybe they could have prevented it.
Our culture is focussed on preventing suicides by gettin help for people. I understand that. But what about removing the stigma of ending your own life intentionally when the person is sane and makes this choice after careful consideration. If a person is terminally ill it can be accepted by some. It needs to be accepted also for those who are terminally uninterested in living longer.
I had been active and had so many interests throughout my life but slowly those many interests faded away. Now I do nothing and look forward to nothing, and can’t make myself develop new interests. Over the last 3 years I literally have done almost nothing. I try to sleep away the time. I will read or watch Netflix just to kill time until I can fall asleep. Humans were not meant to live so long.
How might I proceed from here? I am struggling with whether to tell my family now and have an open discussion. I fear that they might not understand and have me involuntarily hospitalized. Maybe it is better to just do it and leave a written explanation. I am not making an impulsive decision. I have been thinking about ending my life for years…I can’t face this limbo of living stagnation between being fully alive and death. Maybe this is the wrong forum. I wish there were philosophical books to seriously address this topic.