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I am sober for over 12 years, but I think a lot of other avenues are pulling at me instead and those have become hard to kick.
I am a Christian and I know that the God gives me the strength and power I need but there are so many times where I have fallen into a place where I don’t even want the help, but I’m am thankful that He is there whenever I need it.
I feel Spencer’s advice but I can’t help but feel that professional help can’t help me but has to be God, but I just feel stuck.
It’s hard to focus on always the right path, especially when you’ve known addiction and how hard it can be to fight.
Might I give a different perspective? Say you have god who’s created you and loves you. And you recognise that you want to depend on god for help. That can be such a strong spiritual connection.
What if god has given people around you and I your life the gifts of being able to help others through their struggles? What if professional help isn’t you denying God the ability to help you, but accepting that he has gifted people with love and kindness and with the tools to help others in their time of need?
This is where God would come in to highlight your need for Him the most, through all of those weaknesses that have been really hard to resist. He’s the One that helps us deal with those things the best. Professional help just may be that option as He could be the One that’s been showing that it’s been the answer to your deepest desire to overcome. Begin to seek Him deeply on it to allow Him to help you look deeper into yourself as it would also increase the intimacy He desires through those particular areas for you & Him🤍
First off, huge congrats on the 12yrs+ of sobriety! That is such a major goal that you have reached and such a strong journey there. It is so inspiring and humbling to hear about someone’s long-term recovery, especially as this must have been quite a rollercoaster of emotions at times. Although one battle seem to be more settled and in your control now, it issure that life just keeps going and may throw punches at you regardless. I’m sorry that things have been difficult lately and that you’ve had to deal with the temptation of potentially doing yourself more harm than good. When we recover from an additcion, the brain can just keep pushing towards other unhealthy ways to cope that seem to be a relief at first, but we know isn’t in the long run. Recognizing that you havebeen facing challenges lately and different hurdles is definitely a manifestation of your strength and healing there as well.
It is completely understandable to feel like God is all you need, and maybe that seekig help outside of him could feel like betraying Him or the faith you have in Him. Of course I can’t speak for your heart, though I personally believe that feeling and staying stuck is not the kind of love that God wants to offer us. This inner challenge that you feel right now, may become a way to meet Him differently – such as trhough the help than another human being, a professional, could provide you. This could be an invitation to try differently, and meet one another at a different level. Seeing a therapist myself, I wholeheartedly believe and feel that it has allowed me to clear out the path and allow me to reconnect to my faith and spirituality in a deeper, and more authentic level. Because a lot of what I thought “should” be was reconsidered, safely, and with the help of others. While I was very scared of it at first and found lots of reasons to not do it, I came to realize that it was the right thing to do even though it was profoundly frightening. That somehow, this persistent in asking myself/wanting to give therapy a try didn’t come for nowhere. I believe in you as well and in your ability to welcome Him and trust Him throughout this journey of yours. This can be the beginning of a powerful chapter.
