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I am suicidal

i’m back. and i’m back to feeling extremely suicidal. i lost my mom at the beginning of the year and i have felt incredibly alone ever since. i genuinely feel like i do not matter, like i feel so alone. i know a lot of people might say well think of the people in your life that would miss you, and genuinely i feel like no one would. i feel like i was a mistake. i had to vent i had to let this out. i don’t know who to go to. i don’t know where to go from here. i feel incredibly alone and i feel so unworthy of this life i’m living. and i don’t think i can keep this up much longer.

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Milkywayy (great screen name btw. I love outer space),

I get where you are. Im deeply sorry for your loss. I lost a significant family member last year and it hit me hard. I know how it feels to feel like you dont matter to others, but you matter to me, and I dont even know you. When I was feeling suicidal, people told me to look to those who care about me, and honestly I didnt care to think like that because they had nothing more to offer me than more sorrow, through their ideations of how my suicide would hurt them, and false narratives of love; at least that’s how I felt. But, know this, you are not a mistake. I know shit is hard right now: I know that. But you have to press on. You are worthy and you are loved. I’m not sure of the type of music you like, but I stongly encourage you to check out a song called Tomorrow Never Comes by Demon Hunter.

Here’s what the Ryan, the lead singer, said about the song. Clark admitted some people might get confused about the song’s meaning. He explained to Alternative Press : “I have to admit I like to play with words that sound like they’re saying something but actually mean another, which is definitely the case with the chorus on this song. ‘If tomorrow never comes for all the cold and bitter ones, we can breathe.’ At first glimpse, it seem like I’m saying ‘if the cold and bitter people would just die, we could breathe easy,’ but what I’m actually referring to is someone whose life is in a downward spiral - and the hope that whatever ill fate dwells around the corner, never comes for them.”

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i cant even begin to say how helpful this message was. i cant thank you enough for reaching out cause honestly that means so much & was exactly the message i needed to hear especially right now. & i am so so sorry for your loss! it has been an extremely
painful and rocky journey. i also absolutely love the song suggestion!! truly, thank you for your kindness, it really made a difference for me tonight. much love!

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I know I didnt say much, but I find that music helps a lot. Honestly, I’m in the same boat as you. I feel lost in this endless void that is my depression. I go to bed not wanting to wake up. I get it. It’s a major struggle, and I have to force myself to find time during the day to just breathe and that moment is usually right after I get off work, sitting in my car, before I head home. Just find the time or moments you need so you can breathe. Finding those moments doesn’t make it go away, but it makes the day a fraction of a bit easier. If the only easy day was yesterday, then we have to fight through today and make it to tomorrow. If you ever need to talk or just want more song suggestions, just send me a message.

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words can’t describe how appreciative i am of this thank you so much. you are so kind and if you ever need to talk too you can always message me too. again thank you so much for reaching out!!

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