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I became everything i hate


#1

I was told by a teacher in middle school that no girl will ever like me and that would never have any friends. It came true in high school, I creep out every girl and all them though me a creeper. I have a coulple relationship that did not go anywhere, one girl that fell love( i still love to this day) just use me for a rides and concerts tickets. She said that she cared about me, and want to believe her, but i dont alot of times. I feel tha cant keep healthy friends with girls, became they end of ditching me. I have a sister in law that mental abuse my mother and it got to point where i call a [email protected]#$ and brought me to darken path. I became a mental abuser, I tell girl that would kill myself, I say horrible stuff about women and call even my own sister awful, sometime i thoughts of hurting people. I dont if I can ever change for the better, I try religion, yoga, and self help, but I dont change the abuser I have become, I just feel women just hate and see me less than human, becuase women hate guy with a learnign disabitiy. Sadly their was one girl that did love me and broke her heart. This day I could not never forgive myself for what I have done. I never love myself


#2

First of all, I am very sorry that a teacher would tell you something so terrible. A teacher and someone who is supposed to be a role model and mentor should never tell someone, let alone a child something so hurtful. They should be offering encouragement, direction and guidance.

There have been times in my own life where I allowed the hurt people have caused me to make me a person that I do not like. I became spiteful, hateful, angry and even jealous at times. Id see that others had something I did not, especially when it felt they didn’t deserve it. I saw people who hurt me get away with it and have things I struggled for. It made me feel very resentful. But I didn’t like being that way or feeling that way. It can be so easy to get lost in these negative emotions when we are hurting and hurt by others.

My friend, my best advice is, recognize what you are doing. It seems you are already one step in the right direction. You see what you are doing and aware that it is hurtful. The next step is to try to be better about it. Take the steps you need to be a better version of you and bring to others what you would want them to bring to you. Be the person and the change you want to see in others and around you. It’s not always easy when people have been cruel and hurtful. But in the end you will find yourself liking yourself better and feeling much happier.

For me, religion doesn’t work. But that’s me. I feel very lost and alone. So I cannot offer much advice there. But I know there are a lot of good people here who are of the faith and can probably offer some comforting words and guidance.

I know the struggles of learning disabilities and how frustrating it can be, as I also struggle with them. So you are not alone <3

Just know that you are valued. You are cared for. You are loved. You matter. Despite what your teacher might have told you. These are lies.

We have to learn to love ourselves. Which is something I struggle with on a day to day basis. I hope that you can find it within yourself to forgive yourself. And to do whatever it is you need to, to overcome the things you struggle with so that you can feel better about yourself.

You can change. :slight_smile: If you really want to. It’s never too late. Be well my friend. And be gentle with yourself. You are human. Just try your best. One day at a time.


#3

Thank you for being so honest here and reaching out. I am sorry to hear that a teacher would say something so hurtful to you. It sounds like a lot of people have hurt you in the past and I can understand why you would have a difficult time trusting people. Know that you are loved despite the way you have been treated in the past and the fact that you recognize that you are not treating women the way you want to or the way you know you should shows that you are capable of healing and growth. You are worthy of love and forgiveness. We believe in you.

Hold Fast,

Hannah Rhodes