So starting off with my personality and all - i am kind of an introvert and i love being alone. Its like my hobby. I never need people in my life to talk about things (well thats what i thought unless i met this girl) so we met and like we were frnds for the first year but then we got srs we started sharing how we felt our life problems and all stuff…we became bff’s. She even left her odr frnds for me(including the bff she had had for years) . At first we started off well…literally chatting all day as we couldnt meet(we became frnds in lockdown…its just been months and we already broke up…) we were so excited coz it was new for both us having a bff coz we never had a real one . It felt good. Especially for me coz i finally let all that shit stored up in me out…then after a few months…i stopped talking much to her, she would ask me and i would say i am playing games or watching kdrama’s and stuff…sometimes i was doing this all but sometimes i was just lying on the bed nd rethinking it all-whether i deserve her or not? I have decided to where i belong now - myself. I was just being too ahead of myself ig coz i am a really bad person…i will never ever deserve an angel like her… so a few days ago we had this big fight…i told her i hate her and all so that she would hate me too and go back to her bff that she had before coz that girl i waaayyyy better than me…she’s perfect in every possible way and i am not. Now my bff thinks i am selfish bitch and it hurts so much…i really want her but then i do not. I thought it would all be Back to normal how it used to be but no! It hurts so fucking much coz i got used to it-finally having someone…i cant sleep at nights coz i miss her so effing much , i try to study but then she pops up in my mind…i cannot concentrate on anything plus there’s some family problems going on and my anxiety is getting worse too… i really want a shoulder to cry or atleast cry but then my family will start asking why u crying is something wrong…i cant tell them coz they r not those understanding type of parents…WHAT DO I FUCKING DO I REALLY NEED HER BUT THEN I DON’T DESERVE HER …well ig i’ll just be alone(it actually feels good to be alone)…i even feel bad for her coz she is also alone again so i wish she gets back with her bff again coz that girl literally took care of her soooo much…i don’t even do that. They literally looked so good togdr that it feels like i came in between and spoiled it all…rumors are also spreading that i was the one who made them broke up and people giving all those nasty looks…i already have a lot of rumors and here come these new ones crashing in my life…but i know one thing that i won’t regret this coz i know she deserves better
Hey Friend! First of all, thank you for sharing! I can completely understand the introverted side of you and being alone, as an introvert myself. I am so sorry to hear that you broke up with your bff, but know I am glad you found someone you can confide in! To whether or not you want your bff, I personally would recommend taking time to yourself and do some self care and focus on yourself for the time being!
You are important and often times, not realizing that we’re important can lead to burn out which can sometimes lead to situations like this. So please know that you are extremely important. That you’re loved. And that you matter!
Once again, thank you for writing!
Duck
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