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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Cemetery Gates by Pantera
I can honestly say moving past my grief for the last two years has basically been impossible. I lost my two best friends within a month of each other and it broke me. I think a huge reason is because I have no support. They were my support and now that they are gone, I am completely lost and devistated. Anyone I initially told after it happened all said the same thing-go see a professional. Not a single person offered to comfort me by asking if I needed help or distract me by hanging out or going out to get my mind off the situation. If it wasn’t for my job occupying me daily, I don’t know what I would do. No I never sought counseling. That’s not entirely true. I spoke to one woman I did not click with. I also looked into grief counseling through a local charity. They weren’t available after 5 or on weekends, so they were no help. I have been to therapy on and off since 1999 and I do not have the strength to seek a new one. One of the last times I went for counseling, it was both individual and relationship counseling. After the therapist helped my relationship by encouraging my boyfriend to essentially break up with me and move to Georgia to continue his education in nursing (his mom also lives there) instead of helping strengthen our relationship, I was so done with that! Anyway, I’m rambling. Thank you for letting me vent! Your channel is awesome!!!
Hello there my friend. Your story is heartbreaking to me and I’m sorry that you’re going through this.
After experiencing such a huge loss, the natural response is to want some sort of comfort … something to fill the enormous void that the loss has created for us … when you can’t find that anywhere in your circle, it just makes the loss so much greater. It takes a lot of strength and courage to share your story and it takes even more strength to keep going day by day. You should be proud of yourself for where you are and proud of yourself for continuing to seek help.
Your experience with therapy is super frustrating to me. I’ve had a horrible journey of trying to find a therapist for many many years and to this day, I’ve only been able to find one good one (the issue there is my therapist ended up becoming one of my best friends because of our similar mindsets, so we had to end the professional aspect of our relationship). I still think from time to time that I should try to find another one, but I’ve been able to fill the therapist void with volunteer work and being of service to others. I won’t say you shouldn’t continue to search, but just know that there are other healthy options out there for you to explore.
At the end of the day, know that I see you … there are plenty of people here at HeartSupport that are willing to listen … and don’t give up on finding a connection to fill the enormous void. Even though it’s cliche, time really does do wonders for the mind as long as we continue to process through the grief in healthy manners.
I know those shoes you’re currently in right now, especially after losing several huge losses in my life. Grief is NEVER an easy emotion to deal with. I’d say it’s one of the hardest. You always try to surf those waves of emotion, but they still crash into me. What really helped me was music, especially going to concerts. I’d go by myself and just spend time in line talking to the people and then once we go in just have fun. Another thing I do is watch magic on YouTube, especially Chris Ramsay. It’s almost like ASMR and it’s just so soothing, because he does these puzzles and he explains them in a way that it focuses your mind into them. It’s all about what you get the most benefit of it.
I’m so glad you love the channel, and you’re always free to jump in the conversation whenever you feel like it <3
To lose both of your best friends at the same time was probably something that completely turned your world upside down. To face that grief, to let yourself feel that pain and move through it is a massive feat in an of itself. To be broken down in that way is something that I can relate to, and that feeling of having no real support, no one to listen, to turn to, to distract you - that is a really lonely, scary place to be.
It sounds like all of the ways that you hoped to be supported have fallen through, and I can really feel how hopeless it must feel to try to keep seeking help considering everything you have been through - and that second piece about your relationship counsellor essentially encouraging your boyfriend to leave sounds like another kick to the chest, and If I were you I would also feel unsupported and hopeless about finding a therapist.
I’m so happy you have opened up here though, because that’s exactly why we are all here. You don’t have to deal with this alone any more, we are here to listen and help you lean into these difficult times.
However you decide to approach the next chapter of life, I believe you will do it with courage, resilience and an open heart, thanks again for being here with us <3
I am sorry to hear about your experiences with grief and with your dealings with therapists in the past.
I am not going to tell you what to do, we all deal with grief differently but i can empathise with you as best friend died in 2016, and much like yourelf it broke me. Trying to fill that void is very difficult and will require strenght and determination and there will be set backs…but…you DO have the strength to make your through this, your friend will always be with you.
Find somewhere or someone you can talk about this with; be it a grief support group on social media (no therapists just people in the same situation), see if there is a local coffee morning, just go, sit, listen, meet new people, laugh.
I believe you have what it will take to find your way through this and remember heart support is here.
Thank you for your post and being here
Grief is one of those emotions that no one wants to experience because it leaves you feeling heartbroken and it seems like a piece of you is gone. The downside to this is that people often refer you to a professional instead of offering comfort or just holding you in their arms while you cry like a newborn baby. On the positive side grief also has a healing point, a place where it no longer weighs so heavy on the heart, and you are able to move throughout the days feeling a little bit lighter. So, hold on because better days are coming!!!
So sorry about losing your best friends and difficulty finding new friends to help provide support. That is a difficult situation to be in. Especially these days, not always easy to find a new group of friends that you can trust and they trust you in return. At least that has been my experience.
It seems that those who told you to go see a professional are not the type of friends you need during a difficult time. They may had said that with good intentions but it was not what you needed at the time. It sounds like you have been reaching out and working with professionals for some time but recently they did not have the office hours to meet your needs or you did not click with them, which is absolutely OK. Although it does concern me that you say you don’t have the strength to look for a new one. My concern is that mindset spiraling out of control and ending up at a worse place than your are now. You want to avoid that as much as possible. I do understand it is never easy going through your background again with a new therapist. But you must not give in to depression or other things that will keep you down. You can’t let a bad experience or two with a counselor keep you away from the good they could bring to your mind. As the saying goes “don’t throw away the baby with the bath water”.
The best thing I can recommend regarding counseling is finding an office that support online or telephone appointments. Usually they can occur after 5pm or on weekends and can be very helpful to talk through some of your thoughts and work on getting past your grief. Although it may not be easy, it is something you need to do so you can get to the next chapter in your life.
A couple of other things, don’t allow yourself to become a workaholic. That does not lead to a good place and you could end up in a worse situation and still not past the grief. Also, try and find a hobby. Something as simple as flying a kite once a week or a bit more complex like martial arts. Both would keep you distracted with learning new things and busy with practice. A hobby would also allow you to be around others with a similar interest, which would be a good foundation to building a trusting relationships with some new people.
It could be a difficult road but I am glad you are reaching our to us here at heart support. We will be here to listen to your situation and provide the support that will hopefully lead you to breakout of the grief cycle and look forward to a new day with excitement and hope.
