I can’t even cry

I’m sick of my mother telling me to respect her. Respect is earned, not demanded. I sit there everyday afraid of messing up, I sit here everyday just so you can actually have a life that you want to live, when I could’ve jumped off a motherfucking cliff a long, long time ago. You don’t give a damn about me. Your not even my mother! A mother is somebody who actually cares, not a bitch who must let every fucken body know about what you go through and how you brought me into this world and blah blah fucking blah and “your so ungrateful, little lazy ass cow”. I get it, you don’t love me at all and I’m just a fatass faggot. This isn’t home, I don’t even want to come back here. My aunt who hasn’t seen me in years feels more like a mother to me than you. I can’t fucking believe someone could be that much of an idiot. Do you know how goddamn privileged you are to be straight and cis? I’m not even allowed to cry, goddamn it! I can’t tell anyone because your fucking boomer ass is stuck in the goddamn 90’s! I’m not gonna go to a fucking mental hospital, and you need to realize that. Do I need to speak like t h i s to get you to fucking understand? Boy I wish I could fucking slap you. Respect is earned. I don’t have the obligation to respect you, and guess what? If I have to I’ll call CPS themselves and do everything in my fucking power to get out of this fuck shack and file a fucking restraining order.


Sorry I missed seeing this the other day, but I’m not here every day. Hopefully, you’re not as upset now as you were when you wrote this. It sounds like your mom is too critical of you, and feels a bit like a martyr for having to take care of you. A lot of people end up being parents who are simply not ready for the responsibility. It sounds like she has issues to work through, but that may not happen as long as she denies that she has any problems, instead blaming you for how she feels.

Do you think she really doesn’t care, or is it that being a bitch is her default way of expressing that she does? My mom was bipolar, schizophrenic, and had borderline personality disorder. My dad was a chronically depressed alcoholic. I can relate to having parents who aren’t good at parenting. One of my mom’s favorite things to do was to follow me around the house screaming her head off at me. She too was a consummate martyr, and in gratitude for having given birth to me, she expected me to always agree with her, support her lies and illusions, and when I got old enough to work, give her money.

It’s hard to live in a tense situation, and I suspect there is considerable tension in your house. I hope you can stay out of each other’s way long enough for things between you to cool down.

Truly, respect is earned. A respectful person deserves respect. Therefore, if you are respectful, she should be respectful towards you as well. Surprisingly, that kind of mutual respect is often missing in families. Certainly, name-calling and shaming is evidence of a respect deficit.

Each of you could hold out, and wait for the other person to be respectful first, but that usually leads to a repeating pattern of resentment and breakdown of respect.

Respectfulness is an expression of character/integrity. In other words, it needs to be a part of who we are. People are often well into adulthood before they come to understand that. An unfortunate number of adults never come to that realization. Living with my mom became a “boot camp” for growth in emotional intelligence. She never stopped yelling, shaming and trying to manipulate, but I got to the point where it was usually nothing more than wind noise to me. Although sometimes she still got under my skin. I only let her know she had gotten to me once, and thinking back, it was kind of hilarious. I jumped up on a footstool and roared at her! The house was quiet for a while after that.

When she settled down and spoke respectfully, I would respond the same way. When she was not respectful, I’d withdraw from the encounter. Then she would often get a whole lot angrier, but I think she got it out of her system sooner that way.

I don’t know how old you are, but please try and remember, your current life circumstances will not last forever.


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