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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Happy? by Mudvayne
I can totally relate to this…and the way you explained everything makes perfect sense …so I have a question if you are one of those “give all” types…and have had this happen. And it causes like a PTSD. But that give all aspects is such a part of you. That in the next relationship where your partner is the same way…like supportive and nurturing and in it 50/50 but in your own life/mind still feel lost and hopeless, and less than…and can’t understand why. But she tells me that’s not the case. …what’s wrong with me is the big question…I know I should feel one way and I do for a while but then it’s like all my self doubt and whatnot builds up and I lose my temper…just wondering what yoir thoughts are.
I have a few questions that I wanted to ask to make sure that I can help the best I can. Can you clarify about the PTSD? You don’t need to explain to me if you aren’t comfortable. Did you discuss about your mental health issues to your loved one? Sometimes it does help and reflect on why we act a certain way. When you talked to someone, it makes you feel better. Every relationship is going to have some challenges and conflict. It’s okay to make mistakes and have flaws. You can’t never the best the happy and perfect partner to your loved on. It’s just impossible. There are days that you might feel sad or anxiety or anger even thought it’s about not your partner. That’s totally normal to have feelings and emotions as humans. Once in a while, I do feel insecure about myself. I never allowed it to be hindrance to my life. I’m here to support whatever you are struggling through.
Thank you for opening up and being so honest. Being a “give all” type can be such a blessing at times. You are able to help those who are dear to you and truly put yourself aside for the betterment of your relationships with those around you. But there is a flip side to that coin. When we’re programmed to give and give and give all of ourselves, we start to lose sight of where our abilities end. We forget that we are merely humans with finite potentials and abilities, and though that potential can be great, we need to remind ourselves that we cannot be everything to everyone. We cannot pour out more than we are. We can’t give past ourselves. The hardest thing I’ve had to deal with in regards to this is understanding that THAT IS OKAY. It is okay to acknowledge that we can’t be everything to everyone. You are still a wonderful, selfless, giving, and caring person. I know it can feel cliche, but you must be able to ensure your stability and sanity before pouring yourself out for others.
I pray that your relationships improve and that you don’t beat yourself up because of the limits you face as a human being. There is so much power in taking every thought captive and analyzing where it may be coming from, whether that be from trauma in the past, anxiety about the future, or uneasiness in the present. This can be so hard to do, but I encourage you to find your strength in taking your thoughts captive and practicing self-examination when the negative moments come. You are very self-aware and open and I believe that you’ll learn to be great at this. We are always here when you need us. You are so loved.
Thank you for opening up to us, you’re feelings and valid and we are here for you. I find that many of the struggles I face with my give-all issues have much to do with my insecurities.
I have spiraling thoughts that you might relate to, such as “if I’m not kind, no one will like me”, “if I’m not generous, people will think I am greedy and nothing but a taker”. Do those resonate with you? I still struggle with balancing the amount that I pour into others with the amount that I am being filled myself.
Self care is not selfish. If someone had two broken legs, we would encourage them to rest and take all the time they need to heal. We would never push someone with such injuries to get up an go care for others. People who love you will never force you to stretch yourself so thin.
I find that this is something I have been learning recently, as I am currently in my first healthy relationship in my entire life. To be with someone who loves you unconditionally and makes you feel whole is such an unfamiliar feeling when you’re so used to being walked over, used, and demanded for more. You are an amazing person, you deserve this love. The best advice I can offer you is to be kind with yourself. You are being loved as you ought to and adjusting to a new normal. I am beyond happy for you and HeartSupport will be with you through all of these new emotions. You are a wonderful person. I’m so sorry that you’ve been hurt to the point you struggle with inadequacy, but that is a lie of the enemy. You have so much to love to give; It’s time to give some of that to yourself.
I know things will get so much better and you will be filled with overflowing joy. Continue to prioritize your happiness, that is what matters so much more than the trivialities of this world. You are such a special person who is so loved. You are loved more than you could ever imagine, I am so proud of you <3