I can't ask honest questions anymore

So, I’m generally a curious person, I like to ask questions and figuring out the answers. My family is a sarcastic bunch and said we had to get up at 6 o’clock, or no presents. I normally get up at 10ish on the weekends, so I thought they were joking, so I asked. Next thing I know, my stepmom is FUMING about how “ungrateful we kids are” because I thought they were joking. I don’t know if it was just me, or if it was also my ornery baby brother, but I don’t know what to do anymore. I try to stay strong for others, but I’m not sure I can take much more of this. December 24th of last year, I tried to kill myself as well, and now, I’m not so sure living through that is helping my case, things just keep getting worse. My real mom just bought my other brother all the things that I asked for, for Christmas, and told him to brag about it. It isn’t the first time she did it too, every time I didn’ drop everything to go see her, she does something I asked to do, then tells my brother to brag about it. I don’t want him up there by himself because of the abuse and pain she put me through, but it’s not my decision. I would only go up to protect him, and now he has no one. Apparently, my stepdad texted my dad to ask how I was because he’s banned from directly speaking to me, but my mother has yet to say a word to me since she kicked me out. All this started out because I couldn’t keep my mouth shut, and because I was tired of her games. She still has yet to come clean about when she choked me, she still is denying it, she won’t admit she fed us dog food, and restricted us from eating sometimes, she won’t admit that she would neglect our needs for a new pair of shoes, she’s the victim in this “mess” I “created”. This is kind of my fault though, if only I learned to keep my mouth shut about certain things.

I know it hurts knowing that people that are supposed to love you can do things to hurt you. Worse is when you stick up for yourself and it gets turned around so that you’re the bad guy.

Embrace it. Be the villain. Let it be so you’re the scapegoat. Lies get revealed. What doesn’t matter won’t last. Excuses can’t outway Reasons.

Pretend everything is fine until you become an adult. Then move the hell out of there. Don’t worry about anyone but yourself. It is obvious your family is exactly like mine. Even if they actually do care about you it isn’t enough for them to call the bullshit that is happening.

Love them, but let them live their lives. Don’t react infront of them. If you have to cry or get angry, etc. Find a safe secret place and let your emotions flow. Then pretend everything is fine.

When your day comes. You tell them that you love them Yet they can all fuck off.

This is exactly what I’m doing. I’m not 100% independent & still need to depend on my family. Yet when my day comes no matter how much I love my family. I’m going to tell them to go fuck themselves for all the bullshit they put me through or allowed to be done to me.

BE strong.