I can't do this the way I used to

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I’ve been wrestling with myself for a few weeks over this. And, part of me wants to hate myself for it. But, at the same time, i feel like I shouldn’t hate myself for trying to take care of myself better.

I’ve done my best for months, even over a year to support channels on Twitch. Viewing. subscribing, donating. And it’s never really felt like a problem to me. I can make it by financially someway or another. But one day, I really just sat down and looked at how much financially I invested in Twitch as a whole in one month. And…it was devastating to me. I don’t know why. But, I just sat back, and looked at the number, and I immediately thought of the future I’m trying to save for. The family I hope to one day provide for. And, week to week, I make it out alive with literally sometimes just pennies before getting paid again.
I don’t want to play any kind of blame game with the people I watch on Twitch. I haven’t been baited to donate or sub or anything. I simply just love these people so so much and want to invest in them. Sometimes more than I want to invest in myself. But I’m coming to find out that it’s becoming detrimental to my well-being.

So this week, I unsubscribed from over a dozen channels. I only have two or three channels that I still subscribe to, and I’ve already fought back from the urge to aimlessly gift subs and donate to people. It hurts my heart, but I have to start realizing that I need to take care of myself more. And it just hurts right now. It hurts my heart, it hurts my mind, and I just feel like I’m giving the impression that I don’t love these people anymore… And I don’t want to give that message. I still love all of them so so much.

I hope this wasn’t just some helpless ramble.

Eran

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What you did is perfectly fine and a smart decision. We all make financial choices and then have to reevaluate them.
I don’t have a ton of extra money. So I try to support others through other means.
For example, I like “make a wish” foundation. I can’t give money but I will volunteer at events when I am able.
If you want to support content providers you do so by watching and by sharing about them.
I was watching kitboga last night (dunno if they are in you watch) and the scammer was saying that the only way to show you care is through money. Kit strongly disagreed. And went on to say you can show care through a smile, through emotional care etc.
You need to care for your own well being. And that is ok.

Sending you a smile :smile:

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@eranwest9

Don’t beat yourself up, my man. Giving is a blessing. So is money. Do your best to not to over do it. There should be a balance. Continue to support your favorite streamers. Thank you for sharing.

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Hey man, dont beat yourself up! Ive had to unsub to several streamers myself due to my current financial situation; but you know what? I’ve come to realize that to most streamers, your PRESENCE means SO MUCH MORE than what you give monetarily. Remember that!