The first six months of this year were all consisting of a string of stupid decisions, all centered around the same thing. Everything reminds me of it. Movies, songs, games, places, even normal, completely innocuous words. It’s like they’re all infected by what I did. I can’t help but feel like I’ve permanently damaged my relationship with my family. That they can never trust me again. I can’t help but feel like I’ve been a terrible brother and an even worse son. I lied to them and I manipulated them. I feel worthless, and I don’t deserve the second chance I’ve been given.
i’m going to trust that you did in fact make a bunch of cruddy choices and i understand that it can be hard to forgive yourself. you got a second chance. maybe not from yourself yet but you got one. it’s hard to go through seeing everything different because of what you did but it gets better. maybe not fixed and probably not soon but eventually it gets a little better. i’ve been to some pretty dark places in my lifetime but by some miracle i got out alive and i’m getting closer to being okay. i got a second chance too but nothing changes until you accept the chance that you’ve been given and do something good with it. that being said, stay strong, you got this, i believe in you even if you don’t. God’s got you.
Hey there Sam!
I understand feeling like you don’t deserve a second chance when you’ve messed up or like everything reminds you, and the people you’ve wronged, of what you did. The people who have given you a second chance were undoubtedly hurt but they definitely still love you enough to give you a chance to fix it. Once time fades, things will stop reminding you and others of it, and once you progress, your family will learn to trust you more. It just takes time and progress, and open communication.
You arent alone here. I think a lot of us tend to try to tell ourselves what we do or dont deserve. But in the end - it isnt up to us, is it?
Here are our thoughts
I think the one thing that makes you stand out from others that might have done something (whatever it is), is that you’re feeling regret. That alone means that you care about what’s been done and that you are an actual human with compassion. I Also noticed that you mentioned a second chance. That means those people in your life that were affected by you choice care deeply enough about you that they are willing to keep their trust in you.
I understand that it’s hard to let crappy choices just fly away, but the fact that they are willing to means that you should give them the chance to let them give you that.
The biggest thing you can take away from this point in your life is that it’s a lesson. Learn from it, take that knowledge and use it to help make future choices better. I know it won’t get rid of the feelings but being able to own up to it and learn from it is very empowering. I hope that you can move on with your journey in a way that makes the people giving you that second chance glad that they did.
I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re going through. Unfortunately making mistakes just comes along with being human; none of us can avoid it and all of us make mistakes. The best thing to do from here-on-out is to get back up and keep fighting. Time will heal and it will pass. Trust can be rebuilt over time. If you show your family that you regret your mistakes and are willing to become a better person through the pain, then they’re bound to forgive you. In fact, you’ve mentioned that you’ve already been given a second chance. Prove to them that you’re wanting to earn their trust back by utilizing this second chance to the best of your ability. You got this. You’re strong and we believe in you! Hold fast, friend.
hey Sam, ive made mistakes with my family, you’re not alone
Hey Sam i just want to say that forgiveness is the key and it starts with you. Be willing to forgive yourself and get right with yourself and then take on the task of repairing that bridge with others. we have all messed up relationships before and its something that helps us to learn and grow. Be forgiving of others and wiling to forgive yourself even if you dont think you deserve it.
It doesn’t matter your mistakes- please stop beating up on yourself. What’s important is that you get another chance, and that you care about it and that you’ve learned something. So treasure it and run with it and love and be loved by your family- determine that you’ll never go back and make the same mistakes again and focus on making a more awesome life. One day you will be an example of how mistakes can be overcome. The very fact you have regrets and care shows the good in you- now don’t hang around in them and waste another minute on them.
@Sam I hope our conversation on stream encourages you friend. Hold Fast.