So, I have been in a committed relationship with the same person for almost 9 years now. Due to depression (that I didn’t realize I had) I was never really able to develop an emotional attachment to someone before him and we had a really toxic relationship for the majority of it due to both of us having unresolved mental health issues.
The last three years has been a lot of progress toward being better toward each other and ourselves but it doesn’t feel like its enough. I am burdened by the scars of how toxic the relationship used to be and he has maintained a lot of the bad habits that I have been trying to work through and no manner of words change his habits for very long. I am under a lot of stress at home and at work (my job isn’t bad, I like it) so I feel like I can never relax. It has aggravated my depression and i am just kinda coasting through life because my mood is neither up nor down.
While all this is going on, my best male friend, who was my voice of reason and shoulder to cry on, has started flirting with me. It started off innocuous - just being silly and making jokes, but I worry that he is more serious than I thought. He helped me through a lot and is the one of the main reasons I stayed with my current relationship. We both have a lot of the same complaints about the relationships we are in and we are very similar so it makes me feel uncomfortable to be seeking friendship in the type of person I would otherwise be trying to date.
I’m having trouble maintaining the level of feelings in my current relationship because if this confusion and depression and I also feel like I might be wasting my life with the wrong guy. He is my only serious relationship and I am also financially dependent on him. We have built a life together that I don’t want to throw away but I also don’t want him to be stuck with someone who may not be happy. I don’t even know if I am happy in the relationship anymore or if it’s just my depression.
I don’t want to leave my relationship for my best friend but I am worried that my best friend is unintentionally putting this wedge in and now I can’t think straight about it anymore.