Hi there,
I’m sorry to bother you all. But I need to talk.
Currently I can’t mind any of my business. I’m like overwhelmed and I can’t do it anymore. I’m harming myself as hell. Too many people came in my life, toxic people came back, new people too and I’m fucking scared. My soul is still too fragile… I don’t know how to deal with my passed trauma. I am scared that they’ll hurt me like some did in the past… It drives me insane and it makes hate myself even more. I can’t do it… I’m trying to fight my demons but tbh they’re winning and i’m thinking about the worst and you all know what I mean.
Some people are trying to help me but I know that I’l destroy them and I don’t want to so I’m running away.
I have many other issues.
But rn I need eternal rest
I’m not sure why I feel compelled to share this song, but I feel like you need it.
is there a safe place you can go for them to help you? Do you have a trusted person you can go to and share these feelings?
It sounds like you’re hurting emotionally and also physically. You are indeed worthy of love and peace and happiness.
Have you tried to call a crisis line? They can listen to you and maybe you can feel a bit of relief from dumping some of these emotions and thoughts?
You are not a bother, we love you and you are an important part of this little family here. Your presence is needed and respected. Trauma is hard to deal with, and it’s painful to live through, but things can get better. Sometimes we need help to get there. Do you have someone to talk to, like a therapist or a trusted adult?
You’re loved and you matter. Stay with us, friend. The world is better with you in it. Please let us know what’s going on.
You don’t need eternal rest. That will come soon enough, but now’s not the time. You do need to be free of the circumstances that are causing you so much pain. As Sita indicated, there are people who can help. Don’t be afraid to ask for it. Don’t let anyone talk you out of getting the help you need. Toxic people may try to keep you away from help. Don’t give them the chance to do that.
Your heart needs to heal. We’d like to help with that. Stay in touch.
Your pain, fears and emotional exhaustion are completely heard and felt. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for reaching out here. Because you don’t have to carry all of this only by yourself. You’re not alone.
It sounds that these people coming to your life really triggered old fears, memories and insecurity in you. It’s not your fault and you are not crazy for feeling that way. Your traumas are a part of your story that still need some kind of closure, and for now it is reopened from time to time.
You have thrives and survived through it all. You will keep doing so through this painful storm that you’ve been experiencing lately. Your life is too precious, friend. Eternal rest doesn’t deserve you.
Are you helped in any way in your fights? What does your support system look like right now?
We love you. We care about you. Let’s fight this together. 
From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ
Hi lxdlau, I’m so sorry you’re suffering and I wish I could give you a hug. I’m not sure what your situation is but, have you tried talk therapy? You’ll learn coping skills and will be able to talk about what you went thru with someone trained to listen and help you thru it. I have experienced similar trauma and went years without any type of therapy for it and I’m in a better place now because I finally got help. We love you and the world would not be the same without you in it. ~Mystrose
From: eloquentpetrichor
Hello, Ixdlau! I’m glad you shared this with us. You are never a bother. This forum is here exactly for posts like these and for people like you who need to talk.
I’m so sorry you are scared of people right now. The new and the old. I wish I had words that could help you but I don’t 
All I can say is that I’m glad you are here and I’m glad you are trying to fight.
Please keep fighting lots of hugs
From: Dark Weeb 666 (Matt)
Hi lxdlau. First of all your are not bothering anyone. This place is fir people that need support and you really need some supporting 
. I am glad that you have shared your thoughts with us. I understand that what you have been through must have been terrifying and horrible. I am so sorry that it happened to you. Have you tried to seek any help? Therapy of any kind? There are also groups that can help people that went through similar trauma as yourself. I understand that you must be so exhausted and its hard to do anything but please try. You deserve better and there are better things out there. Please seek the help you need
From: SuchBlue
Hi lxdlau,
I’m very sorry that you’re going through this. It isn’t your fault that your past experiences are affecting your current ones and you feel scared that the same thing will happen to you now. You aren’t bothering anyone and we are here to listen and fight with you you are loved and we are with you
@lxdlau Hey Friend
I would like to start by letting you know that you could never ever be a bother to us and you can post here as often as you like, that is why we are here and why we do this. You have been through so much it is not surprising that you are overwhelmed and frightened. I cannot begin to know how you feel or how your past trauma has affected you but I do know that one of the better ways to deal with trauma is to talk about it, get it out and therapy is probably the best way to do that. Have you done that at all? is that something you would consider? The fear of being hurt physically or mentally is something that can literally stop you in your tracks, it can put your life on hold and yes can feel like its driving you insane as you can feel like you have no where to turn and that again is frightening so you are going from one fear to the next.
The people that are trying to help you, why do you think you will destroy them? is it a case of get them before they get you? I wish nothing but for you to have some peace of mind and if that is the therapy i mentioned or journalling then anything is worth a try. I have faith that someone can help and that you have the strength to indeed help yourself, you are an amazing person. Please stay in touch. Much Love Lisa. xx