As I write this, my hands tremble. I am struggling hard right now. I don’t think I will make it to this Christmas, I might not even make it to Halloween. I struggle to keep myself alive. I don’t deserve to live. Feelings are veiled. Images depicted, Hauntingly detailed. It’s Useless trying. i have two people keeping me alive right now, and i can see how much it is hurting them. i don’t want to hurt them. and while if I die it may hurt them for a while, i wont keep hurting them continually like i am now. I know that I do not matter, and eventually they’ll forget about me. hell, its unlikely you guys are even reading this. I know that I am worthless. I don’t believe i fit in this world anymore. my grip on life is slipping. i long for The dull drone of hushed voices to fade away into oblivion. replaced with a serene silence; an overwhelming feeling of peace.Would it make a difference yes or no? my pieces, parts crumpled, a twisted mess, ready for the scrapyard. emergency duck tape applied
held together but temporarily. Everyday feels like the day before. From the moment I wake up
the countdown begins. Everyday feels like the day before and although it keeps happening I couldn’t tell you when it began. Tomorrow will be what happened today. Today’s what happened yesterday. Everyday feels like the day before. When does this countdown end? this is the only way out my mind, from the poison that is eating me alive. The words finally broke me by constantly shaming me.I tried hard to be strong and smile through the pain. I tried to laugh it off like I could take it one more day until I could stop using the broken glass to ease the pain.Now, I’m here writing this letter trying to find hope before its too late. Yet,all I can write is “I love you” to whom this may concern because you don’t deserve to see me like this but this is my last wish.I want to say, “I’m sorry and isn’t wasn’t meant to be this way.” What would it change?It won’t take away your pain, Too late now for me. I’m not afraid to inhale the sea, suffocate in a way most urgently. I’ve begged for a way,to find some kind of peace,only to feel still more disgrace,my baneful disease,and no one can hear my disdainful pleas.I will give my last breath to finally be free, by inhaling of death. I want to be free in death, i want to not hurt, i want to kill myself. I’m not sure how much longer i can hold off before taking that leap. I’m not sure what i have to live for. all i am sure of is my pain.
Hi friend. Thank you for posting this.You are not worthless, and you do mean something. I believe I saw something about you having a son? HE is why you’re still alive and fighting. Have you looked into therapy/counselling options? There are some online options too. Keep fighting for your son. It’s okay to struggle,but don’t do it alone. I’m in the mindset of not wanting to fight anymore pretty much all the time at the moment, but in those moment, the family I have here at HeartSupport keep me fighting. You’re not doing this alone, let us all fight beside you. Keep reaching out.
Hold Fast
Kayla
Thank you for posting here. For being brave enough to share your struggle. I must say, you have a gift for writing! 
Your “disdainful pleas” are heard here. You are not alone in this battle. It may seem like you are. But that is a lie from the pit of hell.
When it seems things will never get better. When you fight the same battle day in and day out, it can be hard to see why you should keep going. I get this, friend. But, please. Hold on. Fight this battle one day at a time. One minute at a time. Life may seem mundane and pointless. You wonder when this is going to end. But, friend, keep holding on.
We are here for you.
Things may be hard for awhile. But that doesn’t mean they will be that way forever.
Keep fighting. You are strong and brave to wake up each day to a battle others (may) know nothing about.
We see you. We hear you. We want you to stick around so, one day, we can hear your restoration story. You are so worth it.