I am stuck living in a tent because I chose to work closer and save money… now its been 7 months I cant get a place… its so hot in the tent, mice came through and started making holes now im dealing with with tics, brown lecruse and all kinds of bugs and shit. I am tired of this… i don’t really want to live and talking to women on tinder doesn’t even help… everytime I feel rejected theres like a hole in my chest its not from girls I talk to its just whoever steps into my life and leaves… just to shorten everything up. I got the best job with no college degree I got to be closer to work but it is still not worth it. I need a place… i need to learn to drive… where even is God in this! I need a few paychecks I need a place so bad
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Man, when the distance between where you want your life to be, where you feel your life /ought/ to be, and where it is is so big that it feels unfair or painful or uncrossable…it can be a really brutal mental experience…especially when you feel like it’s right there, it’s just outside your reach…to not be able to snap your fingers and make it happen…to have to wait each day as life gets more and more unbearable where you are…it is an agony that can tear your insides apart…living for this future, but stuck in the present that feels like you couldn’t last another day in it.
On top of that, it exposes all sorts of struggles underneath the surface – like this rejection stuff you’re experiencing… to feel like there’s nothing you can do to keep people close, almost like they pass through you like you’re a ghost. It can wear on the soul.
Sounds like a tough situation, friend. I wish I could hand you a remote to fast forward past this season and into the moment when you cross over the threshold to your own place. I know you do too. In the meantime, I hear you, I see you. Your pain matters; your life matters. Thank you for sharing.
Dude, you are a warrior. If you can hold down a job given your current living situation, your life is going to get better just because you are pulling off something right now most 21st century people could not handle for even 1 day. I would try to reach out to community services to see if you can get in on a shared living space. Cost, and less privacy but it will be worth it.
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