I’m struggling. Something I am learning about myself is that my brain makes me misread intentions. I over think every word in a text and assume they are attacking me or being passive aggressive. I am creating these things in my head. Theses thoughts with people who have never done something to me to make me feel this way. Now that I don’t have Brandon here to I guess project those thoughts and feelings on, I am starting to create them in other people. I can’t even trust my own thoughts. I can’t believe what my mind tells me. Something is so wrong with me and I don’t know how to fix it. Its like my mind is causing me to be so unhappy. I need mental help but my therapist hasn’t be able to help. i feel like medication only keep me from killing myself. Am I never going to be ohkay? I spend all this time trying to find my new normal when maybe this is the only normal i will know. I am losing my sense of self and I feel like the harder i try to be happy, the worse i get. I am breaking so much. I hate myself…someone help me.
Atarla, I am so sorry that you are struggling with this.
I am very much the same with text messages. Something that I had to do to help me was ask people if they could talk it out with me in person. Whether on the phone or online voice chat. Text messages are often hard to read in general. It’s very easy to mistake a tone for something else. Especially if you are hurt or upset. Your brain very easily can receive the message very differently than intended. Maybe when things start becoming overwhelming and you feel you are struggling with it, you can express that maybe it would be better to voice chat, or to take a break till you can be in a better head space. This is what I have to do and it often helps.I try to give myself a chance to recenter and refocus my brain. It is okay to step back if you need to.
I’m sorry that you feel like something is wrong with you. And that it is causing you to feel so hurt and unhappy. While I can’t fully understand or know your situation, I can say that I can understand the pain behind these emotions and feelings. Know that you are not alone.
I’ve really had to try to teach myself to take a step back when I get lost in my head like that. When my feelings begin to escalate. A good way to help for me personally is to, take a bath or a shower, turn on some comforting music. I generally listen to something chill, soft and pretty. But something upbeat and happy can also be helpful. I recommend not listening to something sad as it could cause you to feel worse or stay stuck in how you are feeling. Though I know for some people it helps. Sometimes a show or doing art helps.
I know that these things don’t always help. And I know that sometimes advice doesn’t always help in the moment. Sometimes it even feels like it makes it worse because sometimes we just need our feelings to be validated. Appreciated. Respected and heard. I hear you. I see you. I hope that you are able to find some relief in all of this, and that you will be able to connect to someone or something that can serve as a pillar of strength for you.
I may not have answers for you, but know that someone cares for how you are feeling.
It sounds like you are really struggling with anxiety. Anxiety makes us overthink everything. And it can get very frustrating and upsetting. I definitely struggle with that as well. The one thing I might suggest is when you were having those thoughts that the person hates you or is mad at you, maybe send a message or ask them if everything is OK. For myself having a person respond to me and tell me that everything is OK and that they aren’t mad at me it makes me feel better. I give my friends and my family the opportunity to point out the lies that my brain is telling me. For example, One time I thought my friend was mad at me and I messaged her and I told her that I was sorry. She responded and she asked me what I was sorry for she told me that she loved me and that she would smack me for ever thinking that she was mad at me. She wouldn’t actually smack me she was just being funny. A lot of times our brain will tell us things are true when they are not true and we need those people in our life to tell us what is truth. And if you don’t have any of those people in your life, post about it on here let us know what’s going on. We might be able to help.
But I’m going to let you know something. Anxiety takes work. Anxiety takes a lot of work. You have to rewire your brain and fight against those thoughts it’s not easy. And no you can’t just stop thinking that way I wish I could and I think you wish you could too. But every time you feel like you’re being attacked by your own brain take a deep breath sit down maybe text your love ones if you can or write down everything that you’re feeling. What I like to do is pretend that there is a sassy person inside my head. I’ll write down my friend hates me because I missed her party last weekend. And then the sassy imaginary friend comes in and says bitch that girls been your friend since kindergarten why would she be mad at you? I don’t know why but having this opposite voice that is punching my anxiety in the face and being snippy with it and being sassy with it a lot better. It doesn’t always make it completely better but it allows me to realize that sometimes these thoughts and I’m having don’t make sense and then I can confront them. Obviously this doesn’t mean that’s gonna work for you but it’s just something that I do that might help you.
At the end of the day the goal isn’t to force happiness. Forcing happiness sometimes makes you feel worse. Happiness will come, but for right now just realize that not being okay is okay. If you struggle and try to force yourself to be happy you’re never going to find it. Sometimes it’s just about getting on with things. Sometimes it’s just about getting through a day and saying I was OK today. Because you are going to be OK you are going to be OK. No these thoughts might never go away but I know that with time and with practice and with work you will learn how to control it you will learn how to not let it overtake your life. Remind yourself that you are enough that even though your brain is not helpful, that who you are is important, who you are is worthy, and who are is loved. Holdfast. We believe in you.
Most of our unhappiness is actually caused by ourselves dwelling on negative situations and people and thoughts, but we are also often not in control of things beyond our control (sorry if that sounds silly).
It may also sound silly, but I had to rescue my cat who got his leg stuck hanging from a radiator on Monday and he scratched and bit me a lot. It was so unexpected it traumatised me and has taken me days to recover. so, what I am saying is, even moderately difficult things can get us down and stress us out.
Hope this helps, even if just a little…
Atarla, you’ve been here a good while, hell longer than i have and Ive noticed as a mod that you are always open and willing to help people both here in chat and in discord. You are a beast. There is nothing wrong with you at all. I used to be a person to overthinking EVERY LITTLE thing that is said or done to me, and it sucks. One thing i learned when i was younger was to look at things at face value and take it for what it is. There are things in this world we just cant control and the thing you can control is what goes on in your life and your head. so just keep pushing forward and you will be okay. We got your back at all times
As much as I’ve haven’t got much to say, thoughts will always be there, but don’t let them control you, your the one who’s controlling them thoughts, but in a way, try slowly bring them out, half, half, bit by bit, yet when you think about this, your slowly letting yourself understand, It may not be the same as you, but to give an idea, the more you wonder keep on wondering, don’t let yourself become lost, look for a path, look for a way, This is the best way I can explain this - JTG.