My boyfriend and I had been dating for almost 5 months, so it wasn’t too long. I got to love him so much and I thought he was the best that ever happened to me. We met at a dating site and we are both 35 years old. We both made it clear in the beginning what we were looking for and we both agreed that we were exclusive.
Everything had been great and we connect in so many ways and it makes me so sad what we are going through. New years eve morning, as I was cleaning the living room from the night before (I slept over his house and we had drinks), I found his apple watch behind a pillow on his couch. I don’t know what made me look through it. He was at work at the time and I am all for privacy but I just had that rush to check. He hadn’t really given me reasons to doubt him but he does always have a password on his phone, which is normal. I usually keep it unlocked but its just me. Plus if he wants to look through it he can if he wants to. Let me add that he just had his phone replaced a week ago because his old one got damaged so he didn’t have much text history. There were texts between him and another girl. Automatically I knew that it wasn’t a friend friend as they were flirting. I have met most of his male and female friends and that name hadn’t been mentioned before. But after seeing that i tried to open another text from another female and I accidentally sent an automated text on the watch that said “on my way” so I knew he will find out I was checking it.
I left to my house and continued with my day. When he got home from work he called me as we had made plans to go spend new years eve with his friends and their family so we confirmed that. He also asked if everything was alright as he already suspected what I had seen but I told him everything was alright and was looking forward for the nigh. I knew he knew, one, because the other lady ended up replying and second because I put the watch on the table, but again I wasn’t really going to deny my actions either way, especially after seeing that text.
We ended up going to his friends and had a great time. We got to his house after. We put on music and started playing pool. While we were playing, I stated petting his dog and I guess the dog got excited and peed on the carpet. My gf got furious and took the dog outside which I felt so bad because it was my fault in the first place plus it was really cold outside. I said poor thing and my bf said the dog should already know that is not acceptable. Then I was being a smart ass and said that if us humans mess up, lie and don’t learn, why should dogs know from right and wrong. By then he kind of knew what I was coming from. Turned off the music and said time to bed. We went to his room and I asked him why he always questioned me about my phone always being in my purse, because he thought I was being sneaky too? Then I asked him who that person was he was texting in a flirty way with. He said it was a girl he met at the gym a year ago which I doubt his words. If he had met her since then, he had already had given it a try with her being that obviously both are attracted to each other, and he wouldn’t have been in the dating site where I met him. He said he was sure I also text other guys like that but he doesn’t know. I told him I wished he already knew what type of person I was and I would do that to him, especially to myself. I then suggested that he really liked her if he wanted to keep her around by replying, and he said “maybe”. That did it for me. Got my stuff and went to get my keys to leave but my keys were nowhere to be found. I did blame him for taking them because I could have sworn I had left them at a spot. I started crying and told him I thought he was happy with me. He continued saying it was my fault for not saying anything when he asked. He then asked me for a key he had given me of his house and went to the bathroom, got my toothbrush and some of my toiletries I had there and put them in a bag. I felt so sad that instead of him apologizing he treated me like if I had lied to him. He even said that if he was to find out I was texting another guy he doesn’t know if he would forgive me.
I ended up staying for the night and the next morning he acted annoyed but took us to breakfast. He still looked like he was mad at me and I even asked him if my presence bothered him to let me know, I know I am such an idiot. We still left and had nice breakfast. I felt like shit, I had no respect for myself for everything he did and I still stayed. I love him so much and I was afraid. I imagined myself with him and I painted a picture about us in the future.
We got home and he still didn’t seem interested in making things up for us. Then I gave him a smile and told him I was going home. It was sobbing on my way home… I felt so lonely and so weak. I know I have a great hart and I did not deserve that from him. Later that day he texted me and said he was sorry for the way he acted and that he didn’t know what was going to happen between us but he hoped I was ok in the meantime, I didn’t reply. The next day he texted me in the morning asking me if I wanted him to leave me alone but I didn’t reply, I wanted to think things through and wanted to really think what to say.
I ended up texting him when I got home from work. A long text telling him how heartbroken I was. Telling him how my only intention being with him was for us to be happy and devoted to each other, but I still didn’t blame him for things because at the end of the day, I allowed myself to think he was good for me. I opened my heart to him without fear of getting hurt and it was my choice, I just wanted to love him so much. I told him so many times before how happy I was with him and how much I loved him. I told him I needed time for myself and that no matter what I enjoyed out good times because they were more than good. Told him I didn’t know what was going to happen but that I wished him nothing but good things and that I had nothing for love.
He texted me back again with a lengthy explanation and apologizing for being such an idiot and horrible towards me. He told me how perfect I was for him and for being stupid he lost me, he said he understood it was over for me. He said he wished he could do something to fix things and that was sorry for hurting my feeling so much. He said he would give me the time and hoped he would hear from me. He said him acting that was the worst thing he could have done, he said that it came in surprise and didn’t know how to handle it. But he said that there were no excuses for his actions. I wish I could have heard all of this in person that next morning. I wish he could have called me. I wish he could have given me a hug so firm to make me feel loved and understood.
I truly love him but I don’t want him to ever do that to me and I feel like the only way he would learn, or at least really know if he loves me or not is for me to distant myself from him. I want to think everything and want him to do the same. I want him, not need him in my life, just if things wouldn’t have happened. I wish he comes back, I wish he comes looking for me but for now I just have to give it time and I know God has my back.
Just wanted to share this with you guys because I really needed to be heard.
Thank you for your time.