I devoted 20 years of my life to a fundamentalist

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I devoted 20 years of my life to a fundamentalist evangelical church. I taught, did sound, etc. Got fucked over by our abusive, controlling pastor. I slowly realized that it was all bullshit. He used the Bible to control us. We hurt a lot of good people in my time there, all in the name of God and salvation. People that were vulnerable and hurting. My family feels like I betrayed them because I left the church. I feel every word of these last two songs with all of my heart. Read the lyrics thinking of that context. I don’t know if that’s his meaning but it fits well for me. Great reaction!

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I really dont understand these kind of people… Justifying their evil through the bible by removing half its context. The hypocrisy is insane. Their only last destination is hell.

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Hi @HeartSupport_Fans,

Religion can be scary sometimes because the pastor can influence and manipulate you. Each pastor is different but not all them are evil. I do see a few pastor that help others like running a charity or food pantry. I used to go to church due to private school and it traumatize me ever since. They forced me to sing worship songs. I can relate to your post about feeling lost and confused. People have no clue that religion can impact someone’s lifestyle. These days I feel most pastors these days are preaching things that aren’t from the Bible. There are pastors that want their followers to donate money so they can live in a mansion like Pastor Kenneth Copeland.

You may feel betrayed by your family that you left church. I feel that you made a good decision. I’m super proud of you. It must have been hard to leave your family behind. You need to do what makes you happy. Religion isn’t bad because it helped people live a good moral life. However, don’t make religion like it’s part of your personality & lifestyle. I love how songs can helps us reflect our own emotions. It’s okay to cry or be upset with certain songs. Music can be interpreted in different ways.

Same brother, spent 2nd grade till my early 20’s lead music. I feel like I wasted so many years of my life.

Hey hey friend.

Thanks for commenting here and talking about this.

Religion is one thing but when beliefs shatter a family - that must be so difficult to deal with.

You mentioned in your post that you dedicated 20 years of your life to that church and that your pastor was controlling and abusive, manipulating scripture to control and inevitably hurt people. On top of the betrayal there, your decision to leave the church created a rift between you and your family that likely still lingers with you today.

First off, I want to say that Im sorry. I know what it’s like to cut ties with family, though mine is different, it’s a specific pain. And it’s a specific anger that rises in the back of your throat. I imagine that maybe you felt like you were genuinely the bad guy for a time. Perhaps you questioned if your family was right. Perhaps you ended up isolated and alone, betrayed once by the church and once by your family. I cant imagine how hard that must be. How hard it must be to find trust for others. I am sorry friend.

While I myself am not religious, my partner was raised in a fundamentalist church and has done a lot of deconstructing in her time since. That’s her story to tell though.

What I will say is that it’s one hell of a journey, to an observer. From defiant rage to acceptance, and anywhere in between it seems like one hell of a journey either way. I’m not sure where you stand on faith or the delineation between faith and church - but I hope you know that you;'re not alone in that. The betrayal you’ve experienced is one so many people have felt, especially LGBTQ youth in specific states here in the country.

You sound like you’ve come along in your healing journey. Discovering music to help cope is so powerful and after reading the lyrics to this song, they seem to fit perfectly for those days where you really need a catalyst to get that energy out. That being said, I hope it is just that as there is a level of aggression in the song. Though I trust that you have a level head about these things.

On broken bonds and broken communication with family - I get that. I dont speak to my parents much anymore, though this is primarily due to their behavioral patterns more than their believes. But regardless, it can be hard. I see loving families in movies and TV or see the relationship my partner has with her family and it’s a gut punch. Though over the last decade, it’s gotten easier as I’ve worked through a lot of it in therapy. I hope that either your family can bridge that gap or you can embrace found family some day that helps you through those moments that you want to share. You deserve that.

You deserve kindness and love and joy and I hope you find it my friend. Im proud of you for standing your ground and doing what is best for you.

Hold fast and take care of yourself, ok?