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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to How Could You Leave Us by NF
I didn’t lose my mom to pills, but everything else in the song hits home. She would say she was coming to get us a lot but never showed. Then, eventually, she never came back at all. I don’t know where my mom is. I haven’t seen her since I was 7. I really don’t know if drugs were an issue. I never asked my dad.
The part where he says,’ How can I miss something that I never had?’ is such a perfect line for the people who feel it. My mom chose not to be with me, so when I was younger, I would think, what did I do wrong that my own mom doesn’t love me? I’m probably 10-15 years older than NF, and I still have abandonment issues. I tell myself it doesn’t bother me anymore, but it does.
Thank you for your vulnerability and openness. NF is so real for his lyrics and sharing of such a difficult relationship, and while I am not glad you had to go through that pain to be able to relate, i am glad you found understanding in his lyrics.
You are not alone.
Abandonment is a wound that cuts so deep because it goes to the innermost core of our identity. When I have felt abandoned by someone who was supposed to be there for me, it impacted me very strongly as well. Healing from abandonment is hard because we have to begin by choosing ourselves even if someone else didnt give us the love we deserve.
But where NF landed with it, “how can I miss something I never had” can maybe bring some acceptance for things being the way they are. Your mom failed you, deserted you, and you may not know it any other way. However, it is the way it is. You said you have thought “what did I do wrong that my mom doesn’t love me?” Well let me just nip that lie right here right now if any of it lingers. You didn’t do anything wrong to make her leave. It was her own issues and struggles that made her make that decision. You are worthy of love, acceptance, and support. I am so sorry that you had to feel that abandonment and loss.
Know that us at HeartSupport are here for you and rooting you on!
Thank you for opening up and for being so honest. I’m so sorry that your mom chose to abandon you. A mother that abandons her child is antithetical to the definition of a mother. A mother is supposed to care for her child, she is supposed to nurture her child, and she is supposed to support her child throughout her entire life. I’m so sorry that your mother exhibited none of these traits. This must have felt like such a betrayal- the woman you relied on deserted you. I am so sorry for you and my heart goes out to you.
Growing up without a mother must have been a daily struggle. It only makes sense that you would wonder what you did wrong to deserve abandonment. Especially as a child it is so hard to wrap your head around the fact that your mother is no longer in the picture, and that feeling of abandonment cut deep, leaving a lasting scar.
Though you may have wondered what you did to deserve abandonment, I hope you know that your mother’s decision was in no way your fault. You did not have a role in her decision. That was a choice that she made and that she is responsible for. She removed herself from a wonderful child and that is her loss. It is okay to still feel the pain, but know that you have no part to play in her bad decisions. You deserve a loving mother and I’m sorry that you were deprived of one. Regardless of her actions, you still deserve love, you still deserve to feel worthy, and you still are an amazing human being. Thank you for sharing and we are always here if you need to open up more.