I hear you. And I hope you didn’t hurt yourself after posting this. You don’t deserve any pain.
i plan to move out of my abusive household, but what’s the point if all i’m going to be doing is working?
That’s a first step, friend. It’s understandable that a change like this raises many questions about your life, your future… pretty much everything. But take it easy. Try to focus on doing one step after another. The first one is to leave and work. You’ll see how it goes from this. Work holds an important place in the life of everyone, but it’s not everything. Right now it’s just hard for you to imagine/see it. And that makes sense: all of this is new to you! You’ll learn to create this balance for yourself, with time, and given the circumstances you’ll be in.
covid made everything close and it’s all unsafe, i don’t want to get sick.
It makes sense to be scared in these circumstances. We’re going through such a weird time with covid. It feels very unsafe sometimes. But we have safety recommendations. As long as you respect those, there’s no reason to get sick. You’ll do what it needs to stay safe, without preventing you to just live and do what you want in your life.
and i’m going to be far away from the only people i have in my life. what’s the point?
What about meeting new people during this journey? Yes, right now, in the present moment, you know X and Y people. But you also don’t know how the future is going to be. I know it’s super stressful and it raises many questions to go through this kind of life transition. I hear your fears, your temptation to think “maybe it’s not worth it after all”. But you’ll be okay. You’re making a good decision for YOU. Your life, your well-being. You’ll learn and you’ll grow through this experience. Through both frustrating and fulfilling moments. It probably won’t be perfect! Nothing is. But right now, in your life, this change seems to be needed. It is right. And that is something you can hold on to.
You will be okay. Don’t turn those fears against yourself. This is your life. And you have the right to live, to experiment, to try and even to fail. You don’t have to have all the answers at once.
You are strong. Probably more than you can see.