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I don’t know how to leave

i’ve been trying to get a job for three months (more than that during high school, but i’m only counting after i graduated) and it seems to get nowhere in this town. i failed my first interview, my second one went well, but i didn’t get it. this town is too small and i have to go in walking distance because i don’t want my mother to drive me around and use it against me like she does with almost everything. speaking of her, my family has been awful towards me lately and i’m sick of their egos and fake apologies. i desperately want to leave, but i have nowhere’s to go. i don’t have any nice family to stay with and my friend lives at home and wouldn’t want me to live there because of personal stuff (which i respect). i applied to a basic fast food restaurant as a last resort since that environment gives me anxiety and i currently don’t have meds anymore, but they haven’t replied in about two weeks. i feel like everything is stacked up against me and no matter how hard i try, it always fails. i’m stuck in this never ending cycle of my ocd driving me up a wall and my family gets mad at me for it. i can’t function here and my ocd would decrease drastically if i were to move out and that makes me even more angry that i can’t leave. my therapist is trying her hardest by helping me job search and problem solve, but none of it is working out. i don’t know what to do. i want to give up and my suicidal thoughts are increasing. i feel as if i’m not good at anything and i don’t have any talent in anything. i try so hard at art and writing, but i’m barely even decent so now i don’t even want to do my hobbies anymore. i’m drained.

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Hi friend. I’m sorry that everything is feeling so overwhelming and difficult right now. That your family is not serving as the support system that you need.
It’s good you are seeing a therapist. That’s a good start. I know it may feel like it’s not working but it’s great that they are at least trying to help you find resources.

I know I can’t fix or resolve the struggles you are facing but I want you to know that I see you. I hear you. You matter. You are important and you have value!

I know everything probably feels dark right now but please keep fighting. It can get better. I know that we often have to fight through challenges and obstacles to get where we want to go but it IS possible to succeed.

Stay strong my friend.

  • Kitty
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