Since of when Covid started my mental health got worse the third week in it first started with me not sleeping at all, then i stopped eating for about 2 weeks. Then i found out that i had depression an every since i found out about it, it has made my life an living hell, i’ve been suicidal from depression. I’ve also stopped eating once again, i have been crying myself to sleep then not sleeping bc i’m having nightmares of things that have happened to me.
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My impression is that you have become more isolated since the Covid crisis. That certainly will lead to depression, if you’re not used to being so alone.
Not eating or sleeping, sounds like symptoms of anxiety. I think the anxiety is probably related to uncertainty-not knowing what to expect in the future. Additionally, there is a feedback loop, were person can be depressed, and anxious about the depression, and depressed about feeling anxious. Then it’s hard to escape from repeating negative thought patterns.
Yet here you are, courageously reaching out with honesty, and risking your own vulnerability, in hopes of obtaining some useful encouragement. Understanding that you don’t understand, is actually quite insightful. You are much closer to gaining a measure of wisdom and healing, than so many who delude themselves into believing they know much more than they actually do know. Another way of saying it is that you are remarkably honest with yourself.
You mentioned having “found out” that you have depression, and being given that diagnosis, has made matters worse for you. So, you actually have been depressed for a while, but it was a feeling experienced, but not labeled. It kind of reminds me of how I felt about 10 years ago, when my doctor told me I was becoming diabetic. Physically, nothing changed, but having received that label, I became very upset and depressed.
Is it possible that you are both suicidal because your depressed, and depressed because you are suicidal? That’s another manifestation of the negative feedback loop that so often happens to us.
Now, sleep loss is affecting your thinking, as is your undernourished body. It could also be that sleep loss is instrumental in causing you nightmares, while the nightmares cause you additional sleep loss.
I think you would benefit greatly from time spent in therapy. Something must happen that can redirect your thoughts into a more positive direction. Another thing you can try is some form of meditation, or just chilling out with relaxation music.
Don’t hold back on the crying. It is very therapeutic, and it causes a release of oxytocin, which tends to make you feel much calmer.
My heart goes out to you, and I hope you feel better. Let me know how things are going for you.
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Things are going okay now i’ve been somewhat sleeping and eating again but still suicidal but it is fine bc i’m not hurting myself at all
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It’s good to hear that things have gotten a bit better for you. What has brought about the change?
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I’ve been talking to very close friends and they have been helping me through the things i’ve been having problems with.
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That’s wonderful! It is such a blessing to have people around who you can talk to.
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Yup they are helping me a lot more then they should be but it’s fine with me
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