I feel like I’m really messed up. I feel like I’m reaching for attention.
I get really jealous of how close other people are to each other. When I see that people are getting closer to others I start to drift away because I know how it’s going to turn out.
My friend gets a significant other or a new groups of friends and they drift away from me and leave me until they come running back because they were hurt by the people they left me for.
With all the events that happened two years ago that I’ve told over and over again I think that time just really messed me up.
I’m always on edge when my dad is home and I hate being home when he’s only there. I don’t want to say he’s emotionally abusive but idk. Who wants to think that about their own dad.
I’ve been slacking in my classes because I’m just really tired and Ive run out of steam and a sense of purpose.
I think about doing things but by the time I get home from work and class i don’t want to do anything.
I don’t know how to make friends at work or class and I am sick of trying,
It’s like you find someone and you talk but I never feel ok around them or like I can ever be myself and i have never had a friend in my vicinity that I actually feel like they are my friend.
I mess up my words or it seems like the person doesn’t care so I just start to hate myself.
I just state I hate myself because it’s easier than saying everything.
I don’t know why I bother posting anymore because I know that nothing is going to change. It’s not on anyone who responds it’s just on me; I’m not trying hard enough or I’m just too broken to fix myself.
I’m just not good enough for me and I’m messed up.