It’s not even a problem anymore. It just feels like a reward. I can’t do it anymore. Every time it leaves a dig mark. Bigger than I think it will be. They just think it’s a skin infection. I’m just scared if I do it a lot they’ll know. I don’t even want self harm anymore. I just want blood. It’s an amazing reward just to suck it out of the cut. It’s not a problem. It’s just how it is now. There’s no need to care anymore. It’s not a problem. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to harm myself for blood. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to die. It’s just how it is. And I don’t care. And know one would know, no one would care, nothing would matter if I just perished. 
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From: RocquetMan (Discord)
Hey. Thank you so much for sharing. I’m so sorry that you’re hurting. I wish I could give you a hug my friend. I need you to know that you are loved. Even if you can’t see it. And you’re right, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to harm yourself. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to die. But there are better alternative techniques that you can apply to your thought process when things get really hard. And I encourage you to seek those out via therapy or some other outlet. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to the crisis hotline. You matter. You are needed. If you ever want someone to talk to you can always, always, always reach out to me, no questions asked. You are loved. Hold fast.
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hi again friend,
it hurts me to know the pain you are in. if i could, i would shoulder some of the pain you’re feeling and carry that load along with you. but as you said, you don’t want to self-harm anymore. that is a huge, huge step, my friend. the ability to recognize that you don’t want to do this to yourself and to the ones you love is so powerful and i am incredibly proud of you.
if you find yourself harming again just for the “reward” of blood, i ask you with everything i have that you first reach out to a crisis line, loved one, or therapist. reach out and i know a hand will grab yours in support. i acknowledge your pain and want you to know that i want you to feel peace instead of this pain. i believe in you to find your peace, my friend.
love,
twix
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From: Night/in/gale (Discord)
Hey Friend! First of all, thank you so much for sharing your struggle with us! Second of all, I want you to know that you are loved by people, and especially this community! You shouldn’t have to live feeling like dying is an option because there is so much more to life than death. I’m not sure if you have already but if not, reaching out to a professional about it could help you work through a few things that are weighing you down. In the meantime, have you tried any alternatives so SH? Using a pen instead of a blade, cutting candle wax…I know it won’t allow you to have the blood, but in the long-run it could save you from doing something you regret. I know it can be really easy to give up on life, and it’s harder to learn to live it. But you can do it! No storm lasts forever, you just gotta find the strength to put through. You’re a lot stronger than you think you are. You are loved!
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Hi @anon48571861 ,
The HeartSupport Houston Team responded to your post here - hold fast friend, and lean on our community.