I don't know how I can help better


I’m not gonna dive into details as it’s not my place, but I feel pretty lost. This person I care about and love so deeply is going through so much pain and anguish, and I try my best to be there and make it known that they don’t have to struggle through their problems alone and be there for them, but I feel helpless. There are some moments where we do talk and I feel like I can be a better friend, but those are few and far between. I feel like I’m a horrible excuse for a friend because despite how hard I try and communicate how much I love this person and how I’d drop everything I’m doing to be there for them, it seems to fall on deaf ears. They’re a huge part of my life and when they hurt, I hurt. We’re so close, that I wouldn’t be surprised if our hearts beat in sync with each other. We’re close, but I’ve never felt so distant…

Days will go by and I’ll barely hear from them. I’ll send messages of encouragement sparingly throughout the week because I don’t want to smother them, but the read at x:xx am/pm stares me in the face and makes me feel even more helpless. Being stuck in this limbo trying to figure out what’s going on breaks my heart. I just want to help and be there, but I get left in the dark. We share the same level of care for each other, but I can’t get it out of my head that I may be doing something wrong and it hurts my heart.

Am I doing something wrong? Am I a bad friend for what I’m doing? Do I just let this go by and continue until it passes? I’m clueless. I’m doing everything in my power but it still feels for naught. I don’t know how I can be the support that they need if I can’t even get into a conversation. I want them to succeed and grow, but most importantly I want them to heal.

How do I be a better help…?

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Hey, thanks for reaching out, I’m sorry you and your friend are having a rough time.
You’re not a bad friend - you’re doing what you can to help this person. Sometimes people don’t like to feel pressured into speaking about things, so just let this person know that you’re never going to force them to talk about what’s wrong, that you are there for them when they’re ready to talk about it, but don’t force them. Try and offer them some of the resources HeartSupport provide if you think they can be useful. There’s a workbook called Dwarf Planet which explores and gives better understanding of your depression… They can work through it with you or on their own. If you live close to each other, try and invite them out just for some chill time - see a movie, get some food… Even just have them come over for a night in? If they don’t want to leave the house, see if they’re cool with you going over to them… If you don’t live close, how about discord and movie? A gaming session if you both enjoy that.

Try to help them get on with things as normal as possible - just letting you know that you’re there when they are ready to talk, whether that’s on the phone, in person or through a letter. These things take times and that’s ok. It doesn’t mean your a bad friend or that you’re doing wrong, it just means maybe they’re not ready to speak about it. Be patient with them - they’ll come to you, but for now, just try and carry on as normal as you can.

Hold Fast

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Hey, friend.

It seems like we’re going through some similar stuff. You’re definitely not alone in that aspect. Luckily, you stumbled across one of the most encouraging and safest corners of the internet.

I wanna drive home the point that you’re not alone in how you’re feeling. I’m sure a lot of people in this community has felt something similar, which you’ll probably see in upcoming replies. I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. But, it does depend on the person you’re talking about. They just might not be ready to open up, and that’s okay. Just keep being patient and helping them as best you can.

You can do this.


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i’ve been there too. eventually i just couldn’t reach the person anymore and idk what happened to them. but if you keep doing what you can do, no matter what happen, you won’t regret.

and congratulations. whoever that person is, they’re lucky to have you in their life.

I’d say you are doing great. You are making sure they know you are thinking about them and want to help them / will be there for them when they want you to be. It is hard to say you are smothering them until they let you know. Until then, keep loving them and let them know you love them. That alone can help A LOT. I can speak from experience, sometimes it can be hard to reach out, even when someone else initiates.

@Anonymous1 here is our video response from our live stream. Hold Fast!