Hi everybody I always feel super awkward about creating new topics but anyway let’s get to it.
I’m having some serious trouble keeping my functional façade on. My best friend keeps talking everyday about how depressed she is,how she wants to kill herself,how everybody would be better off without her…I know she probably doesn’t mean to do any harm and simply wants to be reassured,but the way she complains about her problems just hurts so much. Struggling with suicidal thoughts,depression and anxiety myself,it’s hard not to snap when somebody keeps talking about it to everyone…She starts to cry if I don’t immediately rescue her but yesterday she saw me having a painc attack and just left…To make her stop once and for all(since her constant whining had brought me back to self harming after 3 months of being clean) I confessed to her that last year I tried to kill myself two times. After being mad at me for months,she just kept doing everything she’s been doing for the past year…idk what to do anymore because I don’t have any other friend and I just feel like a terrible person for wanting her to stop complaining about her problems,but other than constantly reassuring her and not troubling her with my own problems,repressing it all,I don’t know what to do
Hey Friend,
It sounds like you’re under a lot of stress right now. I’m sorry that your friend wasn’t supportive when you opened up about your mental health to her. I can understand why you would be frustrated listening to someone almost expecting you to rescue them every time they feel low, especially when you are trying to work on your own mental health journey. I would encourage you to set boundaries with your friend because you can’t be expected to drop everything every time she needs something you know? Support and helping others is really wonderful as long as it’s not at your own detriment. Know that you can always come here and vent your thoughts and feelings. I think it is important that we express how we feel rather than bottling it up. Know that your feelings matter, are valid and that you are very loved.
Hold Fast,
Hannah Rhodes
There was a time that my friend was deeply depressed while I was also really depressed. My friend made me feel like I wasn’t allowed to get help. She told me she didn’t like when I was happy and liked when I was broken like them. I had to give so much of my heart and felt like I just had nothing left. I think that hurting people hurt people. We express and feel in different ways. However, it’s important to have boundaries with people. It’s healthy and can save relationships. You are both hurt and I think that friendship could turn toxic.
That friend and I learned that the boundaries we had to set were that we couldn’t hang out alone one on one anymore. We could only hangout in group settings and text each other. It really helped our relationship because we were able to both get the help we needed. Remember that its okay to take care of your heart. Because if you are broken, then who can you help? Take care of your heart and your happiness. Also, I really suggest looking up REWRITE by HeartSupport. It’s a great tool to help with self harm. Sending love your way.
Cassie
I am going to just copy and paste all my comments from the HS live stream today. Be sure to go back and watch it if you didn’t get to see it this afternoon. Some of my comments relate to topic shifts that Dan and Casey spoke about. But mostly I want to tell you that I admire your bravery in reaching out and you are not alone!
I am not a counselor but I ran Multiple Counseling Centers and this may not be popular, but I’m saying this for the person who wrote in. Some people have a bad dysfunctional habits when it comes to complaining and/or being mostly focused on themselves. It doesn’t make them a bad person, but it does make them a person with broken parts that need to be fixed by an expert. And that makes that person the wrong person to support you. Because You must be sure that YOU need to get help for you! You can remain friends, but maybe reevaluate your relationship; meaning how much time you spend, exactly how much you share, because they are not the right person to share you vulnerable heart with.
This is cliche … but HURTING PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE. So YOU have to maybe make a tough realization, this person cannot give you what you need in terms of support … so stop expecting it! AND…their behavior is hurting you, so you need to set some boundaries and if you can’t then just back off on the time together. You don’t have to say “I don’t want to be your friend”, you can just readjust and back off.
I was on the stream too. I’m sorry you are going through this. Communicate with your friend that you need equal support, and you need to focus on taking care of yourself. It’s not selfish. Thank you for sharing.
Workingforprogress,
You matter.
The size of your heart is enormous. You care so deeply that you have taken on a whole other persons problems regardless of your own heavy load.
How heavy is that load?
It sounds like you are crawling to keep going… and with this load on top of it you are somehow managing to keep moving… Wow…
Workingforprogress, I admire your strength, your bravery, your tenacity… You have accepted the full weight of your stuff along with the full weight of someone else’s overflowing load.
Please consider allowing someone to help carry your load… and releasing yourself from the obligation you have taken on of your friend.
Self care is important. Coming here was really smart! Your first step of sharing some of your personal issues is amazing.
Consider directing your friend to a crisis line when they are in crisis. Help your friend by telling them that the counselors at the crisis line are trained to help and because you care you want the best for them.
If your friend is at a point that you are legitimately concerned for their safety, get them to an emergency room or call 911.
These suggestions apply to you as well. Call or text a crisis line. The volunteers are there for you. They WANT you to call or text in. You matter. Take care of you!
Long term, consider a therapist. You can find a therapist through psychologytoday and your zip code. There are places that also can assist with finding assistance with therapy if insurance is an issue for you.
Coming here is great. You have made the decision that you matter, which is huge. You have taken the first steps to help lessen your load… wow… I am so proud of you. You can do this!
Thank you so much for your honesty,I’ll try to keep my distance for a while because this friendship doesn’t feel like one anymore…I would like to help her out,but she keeps bringing me down and humiliating me in front of people and I’m not stable enough for that
Thank you so much,I will try to set boundaries because I feel like I really need a break,but I also don’t want to hurt or lose her…I will try and look up REWRITE,thanks again for understanding me
Thank you for speaking so frankly,I feel like I needed that. Btw I know this is not healthy and I need to change our friendship,because this isn’t working for either of us…thanks friend
Thank you so much,I just wish I had the courage to talk openly to her
This was the sweetest thing ever,thank you so much,it made me feel loved somehow…I really appreciate you. I have tried calling a crisis line but unfortunately in Europe they don’t work as efficiently as they do in the US so they just kind of shut me down and since then,I haven’t had the courage to call anymore…
I am saddened to hear that the EU doesn’t have efficient crisis lines. 
I would suggest trying to catch a heartsupport stream, if you are able. The love from the community is pretty fantastic… and being able to relate in a live chat is pretty special.
If you want to chat here, I am all ears… as are some others as well.
We are pulling for you!
I hope you feel. Encouraged and empowered! Sometimes what I shareay seem harsh, buty intention is to help. I have stayed I. These types of relationships and watched them ruin me, which took a long time to get over. I want you to not have to go through that long of a terrible process. You are valuable and have great worth!
️
Thanks a lot!If you ever need to talk,I’m here too!
Thank you so much,I hope you’re doing better!
This actually helped so much. Your advices were real and heartfelt,and just aknowledging the fact that two people spent more than half a hour of their time talking about this makes me feel so loved. I will try and show her this beautiful community because I truly believe she could be helped here. I love you guys thanks a lot…where can I find the self harm program?
Hey!
I wanted to check in with you and see how you are doing.
I remembered that you had said you were in the EU where crisis support lines are not as efficient. Recently a new crisis line opened in the UK based on a US support group… I am not sure if this is something you can access, but just in case I wanted to ensure that you had this info:
Text SHOUT to 85258 in the UK to text with a trained Crisis Volunteer.
It is a text support line that is a mix of volunteers and professionals. Sometimes texting is easier than talking… I am hoping it is available by you and that you can give it a try… even if you are feeling better (which I hope that you are!) you could give it a try and see how you feel about it so that you feel more comfortable and confident using it when you are feeling a bit less comfortable talking.
I hope this finds you well…
#YouMatter
Hi!
Thank you so much for remembering about this and checking in with me,really means a lot!
Unfortunately I don’t live in the UK so I can’t access to the service,although I find it very smart and helpful because,like you said,texting is much easier than talking.
I appreciate your going out of your way to send me this,and I hope you’re okay… thank you again