I haven’t posted in a while but thought I’d share kind of an update on my struggles, what I’m dealing with, etc.
This summer was hard. I went home after school got out and was home for about 3 months. I got some great quality time with my brother and dad, but my mom was a totally different story. I don’t know if I’m the problem, or if she’s the problem, or if we’re both the problem, but she got on my nerves every day, was constantly nagging on me, and just on my case all summer long. we had multiple conversations over the summer about how it was time for her to trust me for once, let me grow up and take care of myself. I’ve been doing it for so long, I know how to handle things. she can never let me just live. there’s always a flaw. I’m a flaw. it’s a weird thing, because it seems like she doesn’t trust me, but she also wants to come to me and vent to me about all the stuff that’s going on in her life. she sat me down one day and said that she needed to talk to me about her past. she told me she’s dealt with OCD, depression and anxiety all her life. she then told me that it runs in our family and there could be a chance I struggle with that also. she asked me if I’ve ever dealt with depression or anxiety or things like that…what am I supposed to do in a situation like that? I don’t trust her so I just didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to open up to a mother who caused me so much hurt and trauma throughout my life. I know I’m supposed to forgive her, but how? I don’t know how to handle this. I mean, I’ve dealt with this by myself for so long, there’s no point in opening up to her about it now. it would’ve also been nice if she told me she was dealing with these things when I was in high school, when I told her I was depressed. but what did she do? she dismissed it and made an excuse for it. maybe she wasn’t ready to tell me? I don’t know. it’s so confusing. it’s so frustrating seeing my mom get the help she needs but having her ignore my problems. I don’t know. maybe I’m being a brat or am just angry and need to get this out. I don’t want to sound like I don’t want to be in her life, and I know it sounds that way, things are just hard right now. I don’t know what to do. deep down I know I love her, I just don’t know what to do.
Hi!
You are allowed to feel angry with the situation, it’s ok, it’s a totally rational reaction. I know you said you don’t trust your mom but maybe slowly opening up to her would be a good idea. Wait till you’re ready of course but you never know it might help, especially after she’s come out and told you about her struggles. There are times when people who struggle with mental health issues clash with people struggling with the same or similar issues, it’s hard to understand things like why two people can have the same problem but be effected so differently. Maybe the two of you can sit down and talk things out, talk about what you’re both struggling with, talk about the differences and similarities of your problems, talk about how you’ve each been coping and see where you end up. Also remember to talk about what you both need in order to feel heard and understood. Talk to eachother in a place you’re both comfortable in and keep the conversation calm and be respectful, I know from personal experience that when the conversation isn’t a calm one it can be much harder to solve the problem at hand.
I hope this helps and that you and your mom are able to work things out someday!
You’re Stronger Than You Know!
-Lacey