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From ndr_bevorstehen_tod: I don’t know if “burden” is strong enough to describe how I feel, especially when it comes to my friends. With my depression and social anxiety, I don’t feel like I deserve to be alive
I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. You deserve to be alive, but you don’t deserve to feel as bad as you do. Do you have access to therapy?
@heartsupportwall4 Alot has happened over the last few years, excluding covid, that I’m not sure what to do. The last people that I had “help” me, I’m done with. So, I’m in a spot where I don’t know who to turn to.
I wish the people around me could understand this.
@ndr_bevorstehen_tod Hi friend, wow this hurts. I can tell you’re in a place of immense pain and feel like you don’t have anyone to turn to. And even if you did know where to turn I imagine your social anxiety would prevent you from being able to open up to the. Depression anx anxiety cna feel so all consuming and are so convincing that you start to believe the lies they tell you, but the truth is that you don’t just deserve to be alive you have a PURPOSE in this life. I know it’s hard to believe sometiems but there are people who love you and encourage you and wnat to be there for you
I wish people in your life could hear you out and be the listeners that you need so much right now. It sounds like you’ve been carrying a huge pack of struggles and stress for a while now - which is all felt through your words here. I’m sorry if, in any way, you have been disappointed by people you reached out to in the past. Struggling with depression and social anxiety myself, I understand how hard it is to “just” walk across the internal barriers that both put on our way when it comes to opening up about how we feel. Don’t want to be a burden, don’t want to waste their time, don’t want to be hurt or feel misunderstood as a result… It’s this constant dynamic between needing to be seen and heard, but at the same time it’s also the last thing we want as it feels too difficult to handle.
It is unfortunate that the people we directly share our life with are not always equipped to listen or even understand how we feel, despite our best efforts to do it. I’m sure you’ve tried with them - or some of them - and truly want to commend you for your efforts there. Trying is huge, especially when we are struggling, or fear being a burden to others. Fear can make us feel so stuck in the same place, over and over. For trying to open up, and also for doing it here, you are balancing this stillness with movement. Saying I’m not okay is a huge step in itself.
I would personally love to hear more about your story, and the pieces you may be willing to share when you feel ready. Could it be here, or maybe even on Heartsupport’s anonymous forum (forum.heartsupport.com). It is a safe one to simply share what’s on your heart, every time you need, and to be met by people who genuinely care. Not everyone is able to listen or equipped for it - and that’s okay. Through all of it, you matter very much. How someone receives what you say or react to it does not change that a bit. Your voice is important and you deserve to be heard, even if sometimes it takes time to find the right people. Know that whenever you need, you have people by your side at Heartsupport. Always.