From l0bstr: Hi. I barely ever do things like this and vent online but I am exhausted. I’ve recently met a new therapist, she’s kind and everything and I think she might help but she’s super expensive and it’s recommended I see her weekly. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore because I don’t even know if I want help with sh. it’s a cruel addiction but I feel so empty and useless without it. she wants to approach treatment differently, because in the past over the multiple therapists and counsellors i’ve seen nothing has changed and I always end up where iv’e started. I have no friends, nobody my age to talk to, i’m still recovering and processing a friendship breakup from almost a year ago. and my birthday is coming up but I can’t help but feel overwhelmingly sad that i’m still here, and still going which i’m aware is pretty messed up. i’m sorry this is a bunch of word vomit. I just want to see if anyone is still there
From aliceisblue: Hi <@821697427346030613> I just want you to know there is someone who has seen you and has heard your words.
It must be a very frustrating and disheartening thing when you’ve experienced seeing professionals and it hasn’t had any effect of change for you. It does sound like something hopeful that she is offering something different for you, but understandably it’s frustrating that the cost is something that is a potential deterrent. Have you spoken to her about the cost and any potential options you could work with her?
I just wanted to come and send you some love and support because I truely believe it’s what you deserve
From l0bstr: from one māori girl to another thank you so much. it’s comforting to know there’s kindness out there. she’s pretty straightforward with the cost but has offered to send a referral towards the public system (which i’ve been through, it’s shit) and i’m not ready to be thrown from person to person yet. i’m too tired to put anymore effort into treatment and study and honestly feel like giving up.
From aliceisblue: My days, my heart just leapt!
It is definitely understandable to not want to be thrown from one person to the next, you start to build a rapport with someone and start to trust them, it’s jarring when that’s taken away.
You are so allowed to feel tired and to feel like wanting everything to stop. It sounds like your body and mind have been exhausted trying to fight off the loop of hurt and pain in your heart.