So I live about 3 hours away from my parents and I am 1 of 5 children. Me being the 4ht from the last. So I go home for a couple of days with my oldest sister and first older brother. I thought everything would go how they always do, my youngest sister wanting to spend time with my older siblings and my second oldest brother never being home. But, what i didn’t expect was my dad breaking down on me and my older sister. I mean we always knew that our parents had problems, financially. But they told us when they needed help. To clarify my mom takes care of three of my cousins (who are my moms sisters children) because their mom passed. And my 2nd eldest brother still lives there even though he does not help out. And my youngest sister lives there. But the house its self is not stable for all of them. My dad, who was always the person who I admired and loved, broke down In front of me. Saying things that I wouldn’t have imagined. I just completely froze, not knowing what to say and how to comfort him. I just don’t know what to do or feel. Because I’m scared to move on with my life, worrying that either one of my parents will give up. I know it sounds selfish to think of but Im only 21, and where I come from and where we come from, its hard to leave. I’m just so lost I don’t know what to do or feel its so hard to explain. Because of my age I feel I shout be able to haldel this but I’m a screw up I know I can’t handle this.
first you are not a screw up. Sometimes we do not know how to handle situations and just because we do not know how does not make us a screw up and if you cant handle the problem be honest and say so. It seems your family is close and personally I think the best thing for you to do is just love them. Be there for them. That is basically the best you can really do
I think the best thing to do is to support your parents and be there for them in whatever way you can be. Not necessarily financially but emotionally…as Casey said (during the stream) there’s only so much you can do but emotional support goes further than one would think.
You also mention that you feel like a screw up and that at your age you should be able to handle it but there’s people who are in their 50’s and 60’s who are struggling with this. It doesn’t make you a screw up to not have all the answers to not only yourself but to your parents.
You are loved, you are not a screw up and you have more strength within yourself than you think you do. <3
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I understand what it’s like to be the emotional support to your family at a young age. I was the pillar for my family since I was a child. Whenever my mother would break down on me, I would think about running away and leaving - even with no one where to go.
You’re not a screw up for not being able to handle everything alone - you did the right thing by coming here.
As much as I’m at the same age, Honestly I’m in debt here, my family’s actually suffering at the same time, my dad’s got his memory loss, my mom’s diabetic, yet when there’s a lot of people in the place it can become very unstable, I understand that, but I know that mine are not exactly the same as yours, Try stay strong through the situation, honestly things are really tough, I’ve said this before I’m actually living on my own here in a Flat, next to strangers, far away from my parents where they live in another town, so I get that feeling of “What do I do now” mostly my dad would either argue with my support workers, So as much as I don’t really have much, just never give up inside your heart. Try to move forward, if not, just let time pass, try talk it out once they are stable enough to understand.
I may not know exactly what to do, but I understand your situation, because I’ve been in a somewhat Similar situation, not exactly the same no, But similar, most of the emotions I got from people I never even expected to see, It can break your limits but Never let go of yourself no matter what breaks you down, Because you got this, you can do this, we believe in you more than ever.
As a Kid I wanted to Leave all the time, There was fights, arguments, Police Involvement, as well as crimes, violence, near death for my own parents at times that I’ve had to trauma with, so understanding this very well, not exactly the same. But Stand strong friend. Stand Strong. - J