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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Falling in Reverse Popular Monster
I don’t talk about my ownself because I have always felt that nothing I said mattered. Falling In Reverse, Ren, Jelly Roll and so many others are my go to when I need music to find my center again. Being the youngest in a 2 child family, sister is 10 years older than myself, I have had to learn that I won’t get the same treatment, I won’t be seen the same way, and when my health has become a major issue in my life, it’s almost always been well your sister is going through worse things and you can just suck it up. I have other family members who have seen what has been going on in my life and have tried so damn hard to make sure that I knew I was loved, that I was cared for, but not to get that love and caring from my own immediate family, has put me probably in a lot more dangerous position. I don’t get help for new issues, because in the end, I will just be told I have lived with that my whole life, you don’t need surgery, you just want the attention. Perhaps at this point, I do. Though the last straw came this past week when I found out that something I felt hadn’t changed, because my dad told me it was still going to happen as he had planned, was and has changed since he died last year, and that I am again getting the short end of the stick, just has me left in a very dark place. I don’t want to create, I don’t want do anything but sleep, stare at my computer listening to music that would normally center me, but is instead feeding into this despair that my whole life has lead up to being thrown the crumbs of the leftovers I have been given my entire life. The promise from my dad is gone, replaced by my mom and sister basically laughing in my face because once again, they have made sure that I get nothing, as in their eyes, I have been nothing but a burden in their lives. Not even nearly taking my own life in high school helped, just ignored and told I was attention seeking or the story they put out was that it was a 24 hour bug and that I was well enough to return to school 2 days later.
Sorry about the long post, it’s shorter than it was originally, just felt odd to write it all out. Thank you to those who read this far.
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Hey there friend. Thank you so much for opening up here and talking about yourself. I appreciate this so much. I wanted to reach out and offer some encouragement and connect with you over what sounds like at least some shared experience.
You aren’t alone. I appreciate you. When Home Is The Hardest Place To Be | Loom
I know it’s hard. I’m in the same situation with my mom and family. And I’m sorry that you have to experience a toxic family situation. I wouldn’t wish it all my worst enemy. Just know that you’re being heard because I understand how much being heard matters. And you are definitely not alone. Strength can be hard to find. I understand the paralyzing fear when you are lost in the darkest places in your mind. When you are lost and you can’t find the light. Maybe consider that you are the light.You stay strong. As hard as I know it is. I believe in you friend.
Also don’t feel bad for writing a long post. Get it all out that is what we’re here for at HeartSupport.
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. Everything you say matters, especially when it comes to yourself. I am so sorry that you have had to deal with people thinking that you are a burden and don’t deserve to be cared for because all you want is attention. That is just wrong. Asking for help is not a cry for attention, it is a cry for help.
I hate that you have had to deal with people that seem to only want to cause you harm instead of offering you help. Not feeling loved from your immediate family can be such a hard concept to wrap your head around because we live in a society that basically idolizes mothers and the importance of having a strong family connection. I still struggle with those concepts sometimes. I grew up with a mother that was verbally and emotionally abusive towards me for about 8 years of my life. It can feel very isolating not having a relationship with your mother while it seems that everyone around you has “the best mom ever.” After I graduated high school, I made the decision that I no longer needed her to be a part of my life because she wasn’t going to add anything to it, she is only ever going to take. In the last few years, I have made the decision to cut off my older brother because he shares the same characteristics as our mother and I don’t need those types of people around me. I don’t want them around me.
There will come a day when you are able to make those types of decisions for yourself. You will get to decide who you want to have around you and who you want to spend your time with. You do have family that cares about you and loves you. They may not be your immediate family, but they are still family and they see you, they know that you matter, they love you. I am sorry about the passing of your dad. Grief never makes anything easier and when you are already struggling with feelings of being alone, it only makes it worse at times.
I am sorry if it is feeling like music is failing you now when it has always offered you a comforting hug before, but it brought you to us, so I wouldn’t consider it a failure at all. We see you and we know that you matter. We want to hear from you. We want to listen to you. You have found a community that won’t give you the crumbs of anything. No matter what you are feeling or how long the post that you write is, we want to read it. We care about you and we aren’t going anywhere. You are meant for more than just the scraps and you will find your place in the world. I know it.